Schmuck of the Week

Shmuckess of the Week: That hormonal buzz kill in the sky, Mother Nature

It was a banner week shmuckwise for members of Team Nature, which grabbed three of the top four spots in our weekly Shmuck Power Rankings. The rankings broke down like this:

4. Gravity. Newton and his God forsaken apple showed up at my very manly volleyball game the other night and caused me to come down on my ankle, which has since puffed up like that one hot girl from high school.

3. Marilyn Musgrave. She hasn't really done anything since last week, but I'm still a little hungover from that performance.

2. Father Time, for making me too old to eat Sonic corndogs without puffing up like my ankle.

1. Mother Nature, for being a total whore.

Come on, sister, it's June. June! And yet, like the defiant bitch I came to know well during my four-year sentence stint in Cleveland weather, you insisted on dumping water, shooting lightening, farting thunder and blowing wind all week long. You wrecked malls (which I suppose I can live with), dominated the news and inspired a bunch of boring weather videos on YouTube. Most of all, though, you made me wear pants. In June. Which I can't forgive.

That was a pretty cool rainbow on Wednesday, though.

For previous Shmucks, see our Shmuck of the Week archive.

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Joe Tone
Contact: Joe Tone