The collective head of planetary sports media exploded this week when agents for former Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow announced that he's interested in tackling a career in Major League Baseball and will be holding a tryout for teams later this month.
Never mind that he hasn't played baseball since he was in high school.
After all, Tebow is The Chosen One. He can choose to do anything!
But if for some totally unfair reason scouts who remember Michael Jordan's sad attempt to move from the hardwood to the diamond back in the ’90s decide not to let Tebow step up to the plate, we've got some backup plans for him — ten suggestions of other pro sports he could totally dominate (in his dreams) (and ours), photo-illustrated to help picture him in the action. Check them out below.
At six-foot-three, Tebow is plenty tall enough to compete against the big boys, and his speed would make him perfect for a team interested in playing at a fast pace — like, for example, your Denver Nuggets, who could totally use him right now, if only because his presence would immediately result in all those empty seats at the Pepsi Center being filled.
Okay, most jockeys don't weigh in the neighborhood of 245 pounds, as Tebow does. He'd definitely need a mount with a strong back. But should his horse falter on its way around the track, Timmy is strong enough to carry it across the finish line.
Marijuana Deals Near You
When we say that Tebow's got big balls, we're speaking metaphorically. Get your mind out of the gutter! Speaking of which, we think Tebow's more than capable of keeping big balls out of the gutter at upcoming Professional Bowlers Association tournaments such as October's Reality Check Tamarac Classic in Tamarac, Florida — where, thanks to his stellar college career at the University of Florida, he'd be treated like a god. Strike!
Yes, there is professional Ping-Pong — the World Championship of Ping-Pong was staged in London this past January — and we feel confident that should Tebow sign up, he'd immediately be the biggest, most intimidating presence on the tour, fully capable of flipping a table if things went wrong. Not that he'd do something so rude. Perish the thought!
Continue to learn about five more sports Tim Tebow could tackle if he fails at pro baseball, too.
Track and field
Anyone watching the ongoing Rio Olympics can easily picture Tebow excelling at a slew of different track-and-field events. But we think the javelin is the way to go, since his long, slow throwing motion, which was criticized so frequently during his NFL days, would be perfect for heaving a pointed stick.
The ball used in rugby is so similar to the type Tebow grew up lugging and hurling that he'd feel comfortable instantly. And since players in the sport typically have the option of whether or not to wear helmets, there's a good chance that everyone watching could get an unobstructed view of his gorgeous features. Whether his visage would stay gorgeous after a few dozen scrums is another question — which is why we think immediate suspension for anyone who bashes him in the face is the way to go.
Another easy transition. If Tebow was good at football, imagine how terrific he'd be at futbol.
Opportunity number three for a Colorado homecoming! Nuggets or Colorado Rockies uniforms would look great on him — but can't you just picture him in an Avalanche sweater? All he'd need to do is learn how to stand on ice skates without falling down.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Westword's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Denver's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Ultimate (the sport formerly known as Ultimate Frisbee)
Plenty about this sport would be familiar for Tebow. Points are scored by passing a flying disc to a teammate in an end zone, and there are also interceptions, incomplete passes and passes out of bounds. Not that Timmy would do any of those last three things....
The Lumberjack World Championship, held every year in Hayward, Wisconsin, features events such as the underhand block chop, single buck and hot saw, which sound sorta dirty but are actually wholesome outdoor entertainments suitable for the whole family. For Tebow, this sport would be as easy as falling off a log.