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Ten Denver sports moments we’ll remember (sometimes against our wishes) from 2008.
10. The Birdman flies back into Denver
Reserve center and reformed party addict Chris “The Birdman” Anderson re-joined the Nuggets this year after a two-year suspension for an unspecified violation (cocaine). He’s not the second coming of Shaq — he’s not even the second coming of himself — but he dunks and blocks a bunch of shots, and sometimes he acts like a bird when he does it, so he makes the list.
9. Being a Bronco running back becomes the most dangerous job in the world
After
Sunday’s embarrassing loss to the Bills, the Broncos announced they
were putting running backs P.J. Pope and Selvin Young on injured
reserve. And that made it official: More than being an Alaskan deep sea
fisherman or Tara Reid’s OB/GYN, being a Broncos running back is the
most dangerous job in America. The Broncos have now put running backs
Pope, Young, Andre Hall, Ryan Torain, Michael Pittman, Peyton Hillis
and Anthony Alridge on IR, and who knows when the devastation will end?
(Actually, I do: On Sunday).
8. Joe Sakic learns that working a snowblower is harder than scoring 1600-plus points
I
know Joe Sakic has been in the league for 19 years, is a guaranteed
hall-of-famer, two-time Stanley Cup winner, MVP, 742-time all-star, and
an all-around badass but … really?!? A snowblower? Sakic was
sidelined for three months after breaking three fingers when he tried
to unclog (or something) his snowblower. Seriously, dude, you’re a
hockey player, and a pretty important one to the reeling Avs. Couldn’t
you just hire Tatum Bell to shovel your drive?
7. Brandon Marshall can’t spin, juke or power past a McDonald’s bag
Marshall
has evolved into a bona fide beast, one of the hardest receivers in the
league to take down. Unless, of course, you are the formidable duo of a
Big Mac wrapper and a television set. Marshall was out for most of the
offseason after injuring himself while roughhousing. He apparently
slipped on the wrapper and tried to catch his fall on a TV, but his
beastly man-arm went right through, severing an artery, vein, nerve and
tendons to five muscles. Luckily he was back by the season opener. And
by “back,” I mean suspended.
6. Chauncey!
Only a few games into the Nuggets season, the team
made the ballsy trade of Allen Iverson for Chauncey Billups. Billups
went to George Washington High School and the University of Colorado,
and played with the Nuggets earlier in his career. Mr. Big Shot has
rapidly helped turn the Nuggets around, giving them much-needed
leadership, defense, and the willingness to not shoot every time the
ball touches his hands.
5. Matt Holliday takes a permanent holiday from the Rockies
Their
miraculous World Series run aside, the Rockies have been painful to
watch for most of their existence. Their owners, the Monforts, seem to
“rebuild” every year, and I think I speak for the average Rockies fan
when I say, “FUCK YOU, FUCK, SERIOUSLY? FUCKIN FUCK.” I’m paraphrasing,
of course.
I know this may just be an investment for you,
Monforts, but this city would really enjoy and appreciate a
consistently halfway decent team. Seriously, if you’re going to trade
away all our talent, at least send out condolence cards and gift
baskets (include whiskey and sedatives, please) to everyone who ever
bought a ticket to a game.
God it feels good to have that off my chest.
4. Sasha pommels other countries
Although there were plenty of
Olympic qualifiers from Colorado, gymnast Sasha Artemev had the
topsy-turvy story of being favored to be on the men’s gymnastic team,
then failing to make it, but then, after both Hamm brothers got hurt,
he was thrust into the event. His showy and completely insane pommel horse routine
secured a very improbable bronze for the men’s team. Not on most fans’
radars, I realize, but I’m putting this on the list because it was damn
exciting, and because it’s getting kind of depressing in here.
3. Melo gets suspended …
Carmelo
Anthony was arrested in April on suspicion of drunk driving, and
eventually suspended by the team for the first two games of this
season. It may not seem like a big deal – after all, DUIs have replaced
the illegitamate child as the fuck-up de jour in pro sports — but at
the time, after getting battered and then deep-fried by the Lakers in
the playoffs, it seemed remarkably lame. The hen cut his hair, and for totally unsatisfactory reasons. Not cool, man.
2. … but also ties an NBA record
On
December 10th, after an ugly first half, Melo went all score-tastic on
the Timberwolves, putting up 33 in the third quarter and tying an NBA
record for points in a single quarter, a record set in 1978 by George
Gervin. It’s the sort of dominance he’s showed flashes of, but this was
more than a flash. It was a flaming burst of superiority that wouldn’t
have been possible with Iverson jacking up 98 shots a quarter.
1. Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall say ‘Aloha’
The Broncos may be more temperamental than a spoiled pimple-popper on My Super Sweet 16,
but they’ve given fans what will likely be a long-lasting gift in
Marshall and Cutler, both selected to their first career Pro Bowls.
Sure, it’d be nice if they could put it together when it counts: On
Sunday against the Chargers. That might be a memory that lurches to the
top of this list. But even if they don’t (and they probably won’t),
they give Denver sports fans hope for 2009. — Tyler Nemkov
Did we miss something? Do our selections make us seem higher than the Birdman circa ’05? Let us know in the comments below.
