One of my favorite new-ish websites is Bangable Dudes in History, which spotlights figures from the past who deserve the description "historic boners." Believe me, you'll never look at accused Lincoln-assassination conspirator Lewis Powell the same way again...
Unfortunately, no guys from Colorado history have made the list yet -- so I decided to amend that oversight.
As a heterosexual male, I had to get in touch with my feminine side to accomplish this task -- which proved to be quite easy, as my wife may not be too pleased to discover. Here's my top ten.
Marijuana Deals Near You
10. Byron White Most of us still drawing breath remember White as a balding Supreme Court justice -- not exactly a turn-on. But in his youth, he was a helluva halfback for the CU Buffaloes. As you can see, he was built for speed, earning him the nickname "Whizzer" -- which presumably didn't conjure up urination back in the day. Although the moniker may add to the appeal for golden showers enthusiasts. 9. William Jackson Palmer The founder of Colorado Springs was a man of action: a general, a railroader and more. He was all about doing -- which makes him perfect for this list. 8. Arleigh Burke Born in Boulder, Burke rose to become Chief of Naval Operations under both Dwight Eisenhower and John F. Kennedy. But in his youth, he was quite the young stud. That cutting gaze and topographic map of hair tells you he was ready for maneuvers, naval and otherwise. 7. Horace Tabor The bonanza king of Leadville, who also served briefly as a U.S. Senator, cut a dashing figure. He may not have been a conventional hunk, but power can be sexy, right? 6. Jack Swigert The former Apollo 13 astronaut -- he was also elected to Congress, but died before he could take office -- was immortalized on the silver screen, and that's appropriate, because he was movie-star handsome. No need to fantasize about Kevin Bacon when you've got the real thing. 5. Chief Ouray Okay, this one takes a little imagination, since our photos of Chief Ouray are mainly from his later years. But squint a little and you'll have no trouble picturing a strapping youth astride a beautiful creature. By which I mean a horse, of course. 4. Jack Dempsey The Manassa Mauler took more than his share of punches to the face during his championship boxing career. Somehow, though, he remained a head-turner despite the damage to his mug. And look at that body! 3. Hunter S. Thompson Thompson's appeal is captured in his expressions. It's obvious from the look in his eyes -- or the look that was probably in his eyes behind those shades -- that this was a man who knew how to have fun. Going, going, gonzo! 2. Buffalo Bill Cody The best known images of Cody feature him as an old man -- but catch a glimpse of the young Buffalo Bill. Bet he could put the "wild" in the West in more ways than one. 1. Neal Cassady There's a reason Beat Generation figures from Jack Kerouac to Allen Ginsberg swooned at the sight of Cassady. He was a man's man and an incredibly magnetic presence, even in a mug shot like the one above. Sentence him Colorado's most bangable historic figure!
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Westword's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Denver's stories with no paywalls.