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Top 5 reasons Balloon Boy dad Richard Heene wanted his "experimental craft" back

Channel 9 reveals that the Larimer County Sheriff's Office has returned Balloon Boy dad Richard Heene's "experimental craft". Heene reportedly measured the balloon before accepting it, presumably to make sure the LCSO hadn't swapped his brilliant creation for a shoddy, second-rate Mylar inflatable. What the hell is Heene going to do with the damned thing now? Here are our five best guesses:

5. Fill it with helium, have his kids suck the gas down, and then market them as "The New Chipmunks."

4. Create space-age dresses marketed under the slogan, "Cover Your Heene."

3. Show all those smart asses who dressed up as Balloon Boy last Halloween how to really rock a costume.

2. Bring it to future reality show auditions, to prove that he thinks big.

1. Leave Falcon alone with it and hope for the best. If at first you don't succeed...

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts