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Top to Rock Bottom 10

The night after the Colorado Rockies were swept out of the World Series, the late-night comics started hitting the team out of the park. First Stephen Colbert took aim at the Rockies' attempts to copyright "Rocktober," and then David Letterman offered up his Top Ten Colorado Rockies Excuses:

10: "Even we've never heard of most of our players"

9. "Didn't want game 5 to preempt House"

8. "Relax, there's still a lot of baseball to be played"

7. "The curse of the Bambino?"

6. "At that altitude, the beer really knocks you on your ass"

5. No number 5 -- writer preparing to go on strike

4. "Turns out our 'flaxseed oil' really was flaxseed oil"

3. "O.J. stole the equipment!"

2. "Manager distracted by Joe Torre walking around with his resume"

1. "Forget us -- someone want to explain the Jets?" -- Patricia Calhoun

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Patricia Calhoun co-founded Westword in 1977; she’s been the editor ever since. She’s a regular on the weekly CPT12 roundtable Colorado Inside Out, played a real journalist in John Sayles’s Silver City, once interviewed President Bill Clinton while wearing flip-flops, and has been honored with numerous national awards for her columns and feature-writing.
Contact: Patricia Calhoun