There are certain of rules of engagement involved in visiting strip clubs, and they are for the most part simple. Always tip your dancer. Keep your hands to yourself. Never buy a hit of ecstasy off of a girl who calls herself Xtasy, even if she can vouch for the pill because she's been eating them all week in a misguided effort to make her job less clinically depressing.
Basic rules. Easy rules.
But the most important rule, the cardinal rule, the rule to follow when no other rules are to be followed, has to be the one violated recently by former CU Buff and UNLV football coach Ty Gregorak: Never, under any circumstances, break into the car of the club's bouncer, steal his wallet and handgun from the car, and then admit to the crime a day later.
Everyone knows that rule.
Not Gregorak, though. The 31-year-old, who coached at Washington and Montana before moving to UNLV, recently found himself denied entrance to Boulder's Nitro strip club because he was deemed "too drunk" by the bouncer.
I understand Gregorak's frustration. It has always baffled me how bars, clubs and strip clubs -- whose business models are more or less predicated on people being hammered -- kick people out and deny them entrance for being hammered. You are too drunk to get drunk here, they are saying. It's like McDonald's saying you're too fat to eat here, or a crack dealer saying you're too high on crack to buy crack in this crack den: Not likely, and not good business.
But, nevertheless, Gregorak was too apparently too drunk to get drunk, and was asked to leave. Leave he did not. From the Boulder Daily Camera:
When the bouncer got off work around 3:20 a.m., he found the door of his Nissan Sentra ajar, his wallet missing from a center console and a loaded .45-caliber Glock 36 handgun taken from the glove compartment, according to police.
Later that day, police said the bouncer was awoken at his home by "persistent knocking." He opened the door to see Gregorak, who returned the missing items and apologized.
Hey, at least he didn't shoot anyone!
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Anyway, UNLV has asked the coach to resign, which is a little hypocritical considering that UNLV actually offers a seminar called Stealing the Wallet and Handgun of an Uncooperative Strip Club Bouncer, taught every spring semester in the parking lot of the Spearmint Rhino. But that's what you get for violating a cardinal strip-club rule.
That and our Shmuck of the Week award.
Meet more shmucks in our Shmuck of the Week archive.