Neptune Krill Oil sounds like something you'd find on page 117 of the Kama Sutra. Still, it doesn't actually matter if you're unfamiliar with the dietary supplement -- because John Elway will tell you about it. The Broncos legend turned football operations veep has put his John Elway on a years-long agreement to represent and promote the Omega-3 oil, his latest business venture in a long history of them. In honor of this latest deal, we've assembled his ten most memorable commercials.
But first, Elway's Krill Oil endorsement:
For what it's worth, krill oil is exactly what it sounds like: Made from the minute crustaceans that whales feast on, it's all about one-upping regular fish oil's health benefits with its own supply of fatty acids and antioxidants. Good for the body, bad for the mental picture. But before Elway shilled for krill, the athlete starred in spots for plenty of other notable products, some his own and some Bon Jovi's also got an eye on. Below, explore roughly fifteen years of Elway-endorsed goods (and bads).
10. The newspaper industry
Maybe, just maybe, if Elway had smiled brighter or referred to "the game of life" just a few more times, the print media industry would never have plummeted. Maybe if we bring this ad back and run it on TV in 2012, it will vanquish every blog, Kindle and iPhone in existence. Maybe if Elway had tried just a little bit harder, you would be reading this in hard copy right now.
9. John Elway Chevrolet
When Elway looses a rogue throw at the screen, this commercial breaks both the fourth wall and its cameraman's nose.
8. Circuit City
The only thing this ad, starring Elway and coach Mike Ditka as they chow down in the middle of the home electronics section, is missing is a remotely believable pattern of human speech. When it's over, the robots win.
7. Shriners Hospitals
Elway dwarfs Justin Timberlake as the two compare Grammys and Super Bowl rings in an attempt to out-Samaritan each other. The cute commercial is charming, particularly in the moment Elway attempts to bust a move. (Let's just say he's not bringing sexy back.)
As the caption for this video points out, Sprint's "John Elway is lonely" commercial was inopportunely timed close to the football legend's 2003 divorce. With that in mind, watching Elway visit a tropical resort alone and drink, ride a tandem bike solo and glance despondently at the scenery before drinking a gallon-sized cocktail just isn't as funny. But don't worry: Remarried to former Raiders cheerleader Paige Green since 2009, Elway doesn't need you to keep him company anymore.
Click through for our top five. 5. Heroes
In an ad as campy as the former NBC show, Elway proves himself a superhuman while playing for the team of racially diverse and highly advanced misfits. (His superpower appears to have the same effect as wearing a jetpack.) There's really no need to save the cheerleader when Elway can just save everyone.
In a preposterous turn of events, two Johns -- both Elway and the H-less Bon Jovi -- meet in a casino and initiate some serious shit-talking. This is all fine and dandy until, in an indoor football game refereed byLas Vegas
' Josh Duhamel, the former hair rocker beats the ex-quarterback at his own game. In the end, the only person who really wins is whoever got Elway to put on that Elvis costume.
3. Vortex Mega Flight
In addition to finally clearing up that question of who is and is not John Elway (will the real John Elway please stand up and throw a foam football?), this spot also includes the sentence, "That's an awesome ball." Thanks, 1996!
2. Nestle Crunch bars
Note the use of slow motion and Elway's precious blond bob. After what could be a surprising mood-ruiner, the former quartberback's quick reflexes save the day, catching one of the double fist-full of Crunch bars his then-wife Janet has tossed into the air just in time to win the pick-up game against a team of children, take a bite and gaze longingly at his fair lady. Thankfully, his reputation has lasted longer than this commercial's slang: "S-crunch-ious" is not a good look for anyone.
1. Musical lollipops
Elway knows how to deliver a punchline -- and how to steal a show. In this spot full of life-threatening excitement and a dentist's worst nightmare, Elway snatches the spotlight from Nickelodeon stars Danny Tamberelli (The Adventures of Pete & Pete
) and Summer Sanders (Figure It Out
) while evincing amazement at a mechanical lollilop. The fact that these existed might make you say "No way," to which, according to the commercial, the only answer is a simple "Yes way."
More from our Videos archive: "Video: Did anchor Kaley O'Kelley say "F*ck!" about Peyton Manning Broncos news?"
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.