| News |

What If? WTF?

Keep Westword Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Denver and help keep the future of Westword free.

The ever-thinning Rocky Mountain News and CBS 4 News are going into hype overdrive over "What If? Colorado," the ghastly, state-funded reality show being staged here (http://www.whatifcolorado.com) in an effort to boost our general awareness of disaster preparedness issues. The campaign, launched by the Colorado Office of Emergency Preparedness, also boosts awareness of the buttload of cash coming our way from Homeland Security that's being wasted on reality shows rather than paying for good old-fashioned duck-and-cover instruction in our schools.

This morning's Rocky has a gloriously goofy piece by Lisa Ryckman profiling the contestants in the show, who will spend time in a downtown bed-and-breakfast wrestling with power outages and anthrax scares and such. One of the lucky nine happens to be an editor at the Pueblo Chieftain. What the article doesn't reveal, though, is that hordes of other daily journalists applied for the gig but were turned down. Well, maybe not hordes. But we have learned about one failed media-minded contestant and have obtained a copy of his rejected application. Yes, it's THIS GUY:

Asked what five items he would need in case of emergency, our failed applicant responded: 1. Family-size Famous Pizza with anchovies 2. Case of Rebel Yell (for disinfectant purposes) 3. The Miles na Gopaleen Golden Book of Synonyms, Puns and Clichés 4. Small, sharp knife (in case of tracheotomy) 5. Web cam (if power available) or squirrel (for vitamins)

Other applications are still being leaked our way. Tune in for more. — Alan Prendergast

Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.