Ask a Stoner

What should we do on our stoner trip to Denver?

Dear Stoner: I'm out of town on business a lot, and whenever I tell people I'm from Colorado, it eventually leads to someone asking me about legal pot sales. I'm all for it and smoke from time to time myself; I just don't really want to talk about it with people who don't feel the same way as I do when I'm trying to do business with them.
Working for the Weekend

Dear WFTW: I didn't go to business school, but I'm pretty sure they don't cover this, so you've come to the right place. I say turn it back on them: Look at them squarely in the face and ask, blankly, "Why — do you smoke cannabis?" Then give a neutral chuckle: Maybe you meant it, maybe you didn't. Then wait. Their response is the key to your next move, and it works both ways. They might say, "Well, hell, yeah I do" — and then the two of you can go share a joint of their local weed while talking about whatever fancy business you do that flies you around the country all the time.

Or they'll say, "No way, Johnson. That stuff is for hippies and burnouts." (Or whatever it is that stuffy old businesspeople say.) At which point you say, "Oh, really? That wasn't you behind me at the Jimmy Buffett concert last week?" Stuffy old people love Jimmy Buffett regardless of their stance on pot; they play his garbage on their mega-yachts while cutting loose. Then you'll share a chuckle before you say, "No, me, either. I don't know what those dopers were thinking!" — and you'll move on to talking about your fancy business.

Dear Stoner: We're headed into Denver in July for a weekend stoner getaway. Any suggestions on what we should do?
Stoney in South Caroliney

Dear Stoney: You're in luck. The current ChronicleWestword's guide to cannabis country — is dedicated to enjoying a stoney summer in Denver. Just stop by a head shop or dispensary once you get to town and grab a copy. In that issue, we stray far from the usual Red Rocks/16th Street Mall/Estes Park suggestions and delve into more obscure activities — like one of our favorites, Heritage Square:

"If you're a fan of the campy and corny, get to Golden for this Old West/Victorian theme park. It's seen better days, and most of the storefronts in the fake downtown are shuttered, but you can still hit the Heritage Square Alpine Slide. After taking a ten-minute chairlift to the top (the rules prohibit smoking but don't mention vape pens), you hop on a marginally controllable sled and shoot yourself down the path in a stoned blur. Three rides will run you about $20."

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William Breathes
Contact: William Breathes