Woman's Best Friend

The only messages Marshall gets on his MySpace page are from nubile, barely-legal girls who would like nothing better than to get to know Marshall. Some of them are horny. Some of them are lonely. Some send their Yahoo! instant message or MSN Messenger IDs so that Marshall can talk to them in real time (where they will try to persuade him to visit their amateur site, complete with naughty pics, all for the low, low price of fill-in-the-blank). All of their sites lead to either a fake MySpace "You Must Be Logged In To Do That!" page (for phishing) or a porn site (for, well, you know). Many of them are twins or triplets or dectuplets -- how else to explain friend requests from a zillion women with different first names and the same profile picture?

Sometimes he gets invitations to join groups -- "Janishia," for example, would like Marshall to sign up for the "Free College Scholarships Event Giveaway" group. (Although you don't need to be a member to enter the $10,000 scholarship giveaway -- all she wants is your first and last name, your e-mail, your physical address, date of birth and your phone number, all required fields.) When Marshall's logged on late at night, he can drift away from his home page for a mere minute or two, then return to find eight new messages and twelve new friend requests on his page -- all from beautiful women who think he's hot.

So what's the problem? First, it's all MySpace SPAM -- the same type of litter that Denver's own Scott Richter is accused of sprinkling across the social networking site. Second, Marshall is a bulldog, not an eighteen-year-old male (as his profile states). His interests include chasing cats, going to the dog park, eating, high-fiving and bones. Sniffing crotches didn't make the list; neither did higher education.

Even if the MySpace lawsuit against Richter is dropped, something must be done about the rampant pornography solicited via MySpace. Corrupt all the young teenaged males you want; just leave my bulldog alone. -- Amber Taufen

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Patricia Calhoun co-founded Westword in 1977; she’s been the editor ever since. She’s a regular on the weekly CPT12 roundtable Colorado Inside Out, played a real journalist in John Sayles’s Silver City, once interviewed President Bill Clinton while wearing flip-flops, and has been honored with numerous national awards for her columns and feature-writing.
Contact: Patricia Calhoun