Breakfast and Brunch

America's Most Wanted: The criminal cereal-mascot edition

Attention Cereal Eaters: The following ten cereal mascots are wanted by the authorities for a variety of criminal activities. They are fugitives from justice and currently at-large. United States law enforcement agencies encourage the community to assist in the fight against crime by overcoming the three key elements that inhibit community involvement in the apprehension, arrest, and conviction of these criminal breakfast elements: fear, apathy, and morning hunger.

If you see any of these most-wanted cereal pitchmen, please do not approach. Contact your local FBI office, American Embassy, or grocer. And under no circumstances should you supply them with, or accept from them, cold cereal and milk.

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Teague Bohlen is a writer, novelist and professor at the University of Colorado Denver. His first novel, The Pull of the Earth, won the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction in 2007; his textbook The Snarktastic Guide to College Success came out in 2014. His new collection of flash fiction, Flatland, is available now.
Contact: Teague Bohlen