Lists

Ten kid beverages you should totally still drink

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10. Hi-C

Hi-C always had a leg up on Kool-Aid, probably because it came ready-to-drink instead of in a packet that you mixed with water (usually less water than it claimed to need, just so the resulting Kool-Aid would taste better). So Hi-C probably had a bunch of stuff going for it that Kool-Aid couldn't reproduce in powder form, at least as effectively. That bunch of stuff is most assuredly bad for you, but still--deliciously bad.

9. Yoo Hoo Chocolate Soldiers had a cooler name, but weren't nearly as chocolately as Yoo Hoos. Yoo Hoos were less watery, and had a consistency that was a lot closer to chocolate milk. Which leads directly to asking why someone wouldn't just drink chocolate milk instead...which is a pretty darn good question. Sooo... 8. Chocolate Milk Yes, a darn good question. When this became a choice in the lunch lines at your elementary school, didn't you a) wonder why in the world some kids would still choose white milk, and b) predict then and there the obesity epidemic of the 2000s? 7. Orange Drink This was the McDonald's staple before they switched to Hi-C. It wasn't much of anything but dyed sugar water. It wasn't juice, certainly, or anything that can legally be called juice. But it was syrupy, non-carbonated, icy-cold, and orange, dammit, orange. And probably awesome mixed with vodka.

6. Sunny Delight

It's actually pretty good stuff; just do the world a favor, and don't call it "Sunny D". Between that nickname, and people continuing to call McDonald's "Mickey-D's", what in the hell was up with the 80s and the letter D? It's not hip, though maybe it is appropriate, since it's perilously close to a failing grade.

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Teague Bohlen is a writer, novelist and professor at the University of Colorado Denver. His first novel, The Pull of the Earth, won the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction in 2007; his textbook The Snarktastic Guide to College Success came out in 2014. His new collection of flash fiction, Flatland, is available now.
Contact: Teague Bohlen