Top five fictional foods and drinks on television that we'd really, really like to try

In cartoon world, Matt Groening brought us Duff beer, and Hanna-Barbera created fast food brontosaurus ribs.

In books, C.S. Lewis is responsible for the Turkish delight with which the White Witch tempted Edmund in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and we can credit Lewis Carroll for the growth-inducing cake and shrink-inducing drink in Alice in Wonderland.

Television writers -- they of non-animated television shows, that is -- have manufactured their own inventory of fictional foods and drinks. Herewith, five of our favorites:

1. Uncle Jemima's pure mash liquor from Saturday Night Live. "If you're like me, you like to get bit just as fast as possible!" SNL's Tracy Morgan gives Bryan Fellows a run for his money as Uncle Jemima in this fake commercial for a liquor targeting African Americans. The 190-proof mash liquor, says Uncle Jemima, has 95 percent alcohol content. "And that's by volume!" he exclaims. Drinking the stuff makes him see cute little animated birds and butterflies.

2. Mr. Cluck's Chicken Shack from Lost. "Mr. Cluck's. It's chicken ... heaven." As Lost devotees will recall, when sweet Hurley wins the lottery, he buys a fast-food chain, formerly his own employer, called Mr. Cluck's. Hurley makes a lovable spokesperson, morbidly obese or no. What, he wants to share his luck? Plus, all the chicken is free-range, the fake ads promise. We're the best in the business, they claim!

3. Shotz beer from Laverne & Shirley. There's nothing like the awesomeness of seeing Laverne and Shirley skipping gaily into the chugging, industrial Schotz brewery while the title song simultaneously croons, "We're gonna make our dreams come true!" Schotz is a pretty blatant riff on Schlitz, another brewery in Milwaukee, the city in which the 1970s and -'80s era sitcom was set. (How come no one ever came up with the line "Give it a Schotz!") The theme song inspired several parodies, including, notably, this one from Wayne's World.

4. Cheesy Blasters from 30 Rock. "You take a hot dog, stuff it with some Jack cheese, wrap it in some pizza ... it's Cheesy Blasters!" Liz Lemon makes her pitch for the horrifying-sounding but actually probably delicious Cheesy Blasters with a half weird, half cute, but totally Liz Lemon-like dance, followed by a self-conscious explanation of the ad she's reciting from, including details about its spokesman, Meat Cat.

5. Hennigan's scotch from Seinfeld. "Mmm, boy that goes down smooth, and afterwords you don't even smell!" It doesn't take Kramer to convince us of the attractiveness of odor-free drinking. But convince he does! Kramer bursts into spokesman mode in an episode of Seinfeld where he drinks some old scotch called Hennigan's that Jerry claims to have been using as paint thinner. Hot!

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Jessica Chapman
Contact: Jessica Chapman