It's only a matter of time till Melo gets his All-Star game out of this cowtown and takes his talents to Sopranoland on the East Coast. The Denver Nuggets are close to trading their best player for the last seven years for a pack of bubble gum, a couple of B-grade b-ballers and a few draft picks.
When Carmelo Anthony moves from Lakewood to the Jersey Shore, as he inevitably will, here are the top three foods he can expect to chow down while evading Snookie, J-Woww and The Situation.
Hot dogs are a staple of any Jersey resident, and the "Ripper" is the best-known of the bunch. Rutt's Hut in Clifton, New Jersey, is the top purveyor of this specialty -- a dog that's deep-fried in boiling oil until the casing bursts open and the skin looks ripped, like the abs on The Situation.
Carmelo has a family now, which means they'll need to hit the boardwalk for some quality time. The biggest attraction there isn't the bearded lady, but World Famous Salt Water Taffy. This treat has been sold on the Shore since the nineteenth century; it's soft and chewy, like a drunk Snookie.
Pizza in New Jersey is notorious; the huge triangles are greasy, saucy and easy to fold in half -- just like J-Woww after a bender.
Why does Melo want to move back East? It can't be for his stomach.