Audio By Carbonatix
part 2 of 2PUBLIC RADIO The furor over the funding of public radio is probably fueled by ideology; the Newt Gingriches of Congress don’t like paying for what they see as NPR’s liberal bias. But setting politics aside, does Denver really need three public-radio stations? After all, a lot of the jazz and classical music played by two of the outlets can be heard on other signals that don’t require taxpayer assistance. It’s a question worth asking, particularly when you compare the morning offerings of this trio.
KGNU-FM/88.5 (May 5)
What’s on?: You can tell that the folks at KGNU aren’t ruled by ratings; if they were, they wouldn’t broadcast thirty minutes of the BBC World Service during drive time. Perhaps some listeners would be enthralled by a lengthy, in-depth discussion about the losses suffered by England’s Conservative Party in early May elections. Others might suggest that KGNU move some of its truly adventurous programming–locally generated public-affairs forums or world-music showcases, for instance–to this slot.
KUVO-FM/89.3 (May 5)
What’s on?: Morning Edition, that’s what. It’s an extremely worthy and very popular show–and it can also be heard on KCFR-FM, a mere twist of the dial away. KUVO’s Jean Reynolds gives local news and events updates–they mostly concern Cinco de Mayo–that have a fairly individual flavor. But the main attraction in the morning is also on its biggest competitor for your donations.
KCFR-FM/90.1 (May 5)
What’s on?: See the blurb above. However, KCFR, the flagship of Colorado Public Radio, adds a twist: Locals Monika Vischer and Theresa Schivone conduct a pledge drive. The first pitch? “Federal funding is going away, so let’s start expanding our base before there’s a problem later on.” The second, and more effective, plea: “Why don’t you come through for us this morning, so we don’t have to remind you how public radio works for the rest of the day?” Meaning that if you give them money, they’ll leave you alone this afternoon. How much do you want us to make that out for?
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ROCK/POP
These nine stations (counting KBCO-FM and KBCO-AM, which generally simulcast the same programming) are not as dissimilar as they might seem at first blush. The playlists of seven of them sometimes overlap–Pearl Jam seems to be the nexus point. They distinguish themselves from the pack, then, by contrasts in tone. In other words, when they suck, they don’t suck in quite the same way.
KBCO-FM/97.3 and KBCO-AM/1190 (May 8)
Slogan: They’re too laid-back to have one.
DJs: Oz, with newswoman Peggy. Having last names would be too much of a drag.
Songs: Three–but the Sonia Dada cut aired is as long as two average-length songs. And not nearly as good.
Commercials: Seven, including spots for VH1, spring water and natural toothpaste. That’s environmental, dude.
Contests: Are you kidding?
Worst moment: There are no worst moments on KBCO–because the station is dedicated to a sleepy, undisturbed, utterly consistent mellowness. Relax. Put down that gun. Have a cup of herb tea and tell us all about it.
KXPK-FM/96.5 (May 8)
Slogan: “The Peak.” (Not, as some would have you believe, “Son of KBCO.”)
DJs: Pete Mackay, who duplicates the KBCO style. A human stress reducer.
Songs: Five, including an unexpected choice (Jeff Buckley’s “Last Goodbye”) and a completely expected choice (Modern English’s “I’ll Melt With You”–one of the most overplayed new-wave one-shots ever).
Commercials: Four.
Contests: If KBCO doesn’t have a contest, you can bet the Peak doesn’t, either.
Worst moment: If KBCO doesn’t have worst moments, you can bet the Peak doesn’t, either.
KALC-FM/105.9 (May 10)
Slogan: “Alice.” (Can you tell these guys are trying to attract female listeners?)
DJs: Frank Kramer, Frosty Stillwell and Jamie White, whose giggly relationship chat is like a PG-rated “Playboy Advisor.”
Songs: Three. A Pretenders ballad is as cutting-edge as it gets.
Commercials: Six.
Contests: A woman wins a prize package worth $100 when the Alice “genie” believes her claim that she wouldn’t sleep with her boss to get a raise.
Worst moment: In talking with the prizewinner, Frank makes light of the phrase “getting ahead in your job.” Jamie titters approvingly.
KWMX-FM/107.5 (May 10)
Slogan: “The Best Variety of the Seventies, Eighties and Nineties.” (You couldn’t prove it by this show.)
DJs: Eric Ferguson (the designated yukmeister), Larry Yulibarri (his partner in double entendres) and Robbyn Hart (the good sport). Their goal seems to be to out-lame the jocks on Alice.
Songs: Three–cuts from Des’ree and Dionee Farris, plus a novelty number about the morning’s theme: fish. Now that’s what we call variety.
Commercials: Five, plus the contest below –which is essentially a twenty-minute advertisement.
Contests: Yulibarri, “reporting” live from a Denver rental car dealer, invites listeners to bring fish to him; the person who brings the biggest will win $1,000. This occasions no end of comments equating fish to penises.
Worst moment: Hart’s delight at announcing, “People are so proud of their fish!”
KQKS-FM/104.3 (May 9)
Slogan: “The Number One Hit Music Station–KS-104.” (And one hit is about all that gets played.)
DJs: Mark Speers and Mark Feather, the latter substituting for Laurie Michaels. With two males paired up, the leering sexual banter is blessedly absent.
Songs: Two. KS-104 continues to run from its reputation as a rap station: The TLC ditty played was an R&B ballad.
Commercials: Five.
Contests: There’s no time. Special guest Charles Perez, in town to garner publicity for his talk show, swamps the half-hour with modest salutes to himself.
Worst moment: A promo about KS-104’s “nonstop music jams.”
KBPI-FM/106.7 (May 10)
Slogan: “KBPI Rocks the Rockies.” (The granddaddy of all station slogans.)
DJs: Dean and Rog. They’re a minor-league Lewis and Floorwax, and they prove it during a five-minute-plus conversation with ex-basketballer Scott Hastings, in which he proves to be a lot more humorous than they are.
Songs: Three. Ozzy Osbourne, Pearl Jam and Hootie and the Blowfish covering Led Zeppelin. How challenging.
Commercials: Six.
Contests: A “secret” one directed at people who attended the previous night’s Queensryche concert.
Worst moment: Hastings’s remark that his golf clubs are “three inches over standard” precipitates a blizzard of dick references.
KNRX-FM/92.1 (May 5)
Slogan: “Denver’s New Rock Revolution.” (Yeah, there’s nothing more revolutionary than playing Pearl Jam.)
DJs: None. A couple of months after the institution of a modern-rock format at KNRX, there’s still nary a live human voice to be heard on the station before noon. The profits must really be flowing in.
Songs: Seven. With no DJ gab cluttering up the show, the station is music-intensive. Pearl Jam is here, but there’s also Nirvana, Weezer and Bad Religion. A pretty good set.
Commercials: Three.
Contests: If they can’t afford DJs, you know they can’t afford contests.
Worst moment: Have I mentioned Pearl Jam yet?
KTCL-FM/93.3 (May 8)
Slogan: “The Adventure.” (You can begin laughing now.)
DJs: Brett Saunders, whose witty, edgy presence consistently makes you glad you tuned in. When he salutes Funky Winkerbean for wearing a Green Day T-shirt in a comic strip that day, you know he’s kidding. And you’re glad he is.
Songs: Seven–most of them utterly unadventurous. A terrible Eurythmics track. An awful Smashing Pumpkins composition. So much potential–so little execution.
Commercials: Six.
Contests: None–but there are promos for KTCL’s “Big Adventure,” which every DJ at the station has been made to give for the past several weeks.
Worst moment: Programming a Jayhawks song that sounds like Pure Prairie League. Fortunately, Saunders ridicules it for you: “Lite music–heavy lyrics!” he announces, sounding just as disgusted as you are.
SPANISH
The three Denver-area stations that broadcast in Spanish have a great deal in common. One outlet specializes in the poppier division of modern salsa; the other two are slightly more traditional. And all three have a jovial, community-intensive feel that other outlets would do well to emulate.
KBNO-AM/1390 (May 3)
DJs: Edgar Cabrera and Claudia Reyes. They interact in a manner that’s unlike the behavior of their English-only counterparts. Thank goodness.
Music: The most contemporary of the local outlets–which is not necessarily good news. Still, Cabrera and Reyes play an excellent nortena number, “Toma Mi Amor,” and a wild, salsa-tinged track, “Muchachas Modernas,” that is as humorous as it is sexist.
Special features: The show actually has a name: “Buenos Das, Denver.” The jocks also offer greetings to people in Chihuahua, Zacatecas and Durango, along with plenty of self-help advice and horoscope readings.
KJME-AM/1390 (May 4)
DJs: Tom Guerrero. As amiable as they come.
Music: Not as much as the other stations, and fewer highlights. The best moment is a love song from Los Marineros del Norte.
Special features: Lots of commercials that sport the loud echo associated with drag-racing spots–“No se lo pierda!” (“Don’t miss it!”) and “No falte!” (ditto) are common phrases. Guerrero also offers birthday greetings and bon voyages, and at one point sings part of a song to introduce the next cut.
KCUV-AM/1150 (May 3)
DJs: Gerardo Martinez. His style is similar to Guerrero’s.
Music: The finest mix of the three. A ranchera piece, “La Hija de Nadie,” by songstress Yolanda del Rio, tops the bill.
Special features: Not one slogan, but two: “Que Suave!” (depending upon your mood, “How Smooth!” or ” How Sexy!”) and “Mas Musica!” (“More Music!”). Martinez also offers dedications and plays a Spanish-style rap promo for the station–the closest any Denver outlet comes to actually playing a hip-hop number.
TALK/NEWS
It wasn’t long ago that the big story in Denver radio was the proliferation of talk outlets. Given the recent boom in the number of rock purveyors, that’s yesterday’s news. But what’s worse for listeners, talk programs in which hosts, newsmakers and callers explore issues of the day have all but disappeared. Just one station specializes in this approach at 7:30 a.m.; many of the rest engage in happy-talk banter that touches on current events only when a punchline can be gleaned from them. No wonder that people of every political persuasion find themselves drawn to public stations that air Morning Edition.
KHOW-AM/630 (May 1)
Slogan(s): Plenty. Most of them have to do with being first (“First With News,” “First With Weather”) or with competitor KOA (“More Traffic Reports Than Any Other Denver Radio Station–and Two Minutes Before KOA”).
DJs: Hal and Charley, Denver’s most senior morning team, supplemented by Murph. Most of their routines are about as fresh as Fred Allen’s.
Subject matter: In addition to news, traffic, business and weather blurbs (the last delivered live by KUSA’s Mike Nelson), Hal and Charley jabber with Channel 9’s Mark Koebrich, who joins Nelson in plugging KUSA ad nauseam. There’s also faux-zaniness as part of a skit featuring “Chicken Man,” a superhero who lives in a basement. The routine goes on for a couple of minutes without the benefit of good jokes–or a point.
Commercials: Seven, plus a live ad for a chicken restaurant and business reporter Joe Sturniolo’s plug for the sponsor of the business update. Which is longer than the update itself.
Worst moment: Hal, Charley and Murph talk about a man caught speeding; he reportedly got a lighter sentence after showing a judge soiled underpants that proved he was suffering from diarrhea when he was stopped. Showing their restraint, our hosts spend several minutes playing taped farting noises and chuckling about “skid marks.”
KOA-AM/850 (May 1)
Slogan: “Colorado’s Morning News.”
DJs: Steve Kelly, with Gus Mircos, Scott Cortelyou, Laurie Parsons and Keith Weiman. It must be crowded around that microphone in the mornings.
Subject matter: The usual news, weather and traffic segments are overshadowed by routines surrounding the return of Mircos, back on the job after suffering a heart attack. This is treated as an excuse for EKG sound effects and remarks about gas pain and proctology.
Commercials: Eight. Also, Weiman, the business reporter, spends more time hyping a forum sponsored by a bank than he does talking about business.
Worst moment: A recording of Colorado Rockies pitcher Marvin Freeman welcoming Mircos back is played. Afterward, Kelly mocks Freeman’s words and speech patterns in a blatantly racist manner.
KYBG-AM/1090 (May 3)
Slogan: None mentioned. Maybe the management is planning to buy one from a syndicator.
DJs: Joe Serna locally, but he has virtually nothing to do during this time. That’s because, during weekday mornings, KYBG airs a show featuring Don Imus that originates in New York City.
Subject matter: Imus, a Howard Stern precursor whose comedy is a bit stiff and taciturn, doesn’t make a big effort to make his show accessible to the nation’s listeners. To wit: His guest for the majority of the 7:30-8 a.m. segment is Frank Rich, former drama critic for the New York Times; he and Imus mainly discuss whether Ralph Fiennes is good in a Broadway production of Hamlet. Which is just what Denverites heading to work in their Yugos were wondering, we’ll bet.
Commercials: Four.
Worst moment: When a caller chides Imus’s decision to ridicule Dr. Henry Foster for waffling about the number of abortions he’s performed, Imus admits to being a bit forgetful himself–but says the things he forgets aren’t exactly on par with killing babies. Did we tune into the Operation Rescue Hour by mistake?
KNUS-AM/710 (May 2)
Slogan: “The News Station” and “The Place to Be When You Want to Know.” (Presumably, they’re not using the word “know” in the biblical sense.)
DJs: Your guess is as good as ours. In our efforts to confirm the spelling of names mentioned during this program, we made two calls to KNUS and one to KCNC-TV, which is a partner in KNUS’s current format. On each occasion, the persons responding to our questions said they had not the slightest idea about whom we were talking. Perhaps these representatives spend their days listening to better stations.
Subject matter: Like Headline News, the TV-news cousin of CNN (which offers a constant flow of news programs cut into half-hour blocks), today’s KNUS aspires to be a headline service. But on radio, the rate of redundancy is much higher; brief reports about the goings-on in Oklahoma City and other big stories are repeated three times in thirty minutes. The station seems designed for people who tune in for only a couple minutes at a time. And by relating the same information again and again, it virtually forces a listener to surf.
Commercials: Four. But there are also a shocking number of promos–two about Bob Heckler, a former KNUS talk-show host who now appears on KRKS-FM–and public-service announcements (four from the American Dental Association alone). KNUS listeners must put an unbelievably high priority on dental hygiene.
Worst moment: Discovering after listening for thirty minutes that you don’t know much more than you did when you started.
KKFN-AM/950 (May 3)
Slogan: “The Fan.”
DJs: Jim Berry and Tony LaMonica, supplemented by weather updates by Gusty Winds. Think that’s his real name?
Subject matter: The Fan provides sports reporting 24 hours a day–and while that may seem excessive, sports junkies probably wish the day could be longer. During this half-hour, the focus is almost entirely on major professional sports, particularly baseball and basketball. Ten minutes are filled with conversations about the NBA playoffs involving Berry and reporters in Indianapolis and Houston. Not much new information is unearthed, but so what? Half the fun of being a fan is to debate the same things over and over again.
Commercials: KKFN is the winner for most spots per half-hour: a staggering fifteen, not counting promos. Most of the ads are, to say the least, manly–two for tires, one for pay-per-view boxing, one each for the Army and the Navy, and two from the American Egg Board. Real men don’t worry about cholesterol.
Worst moment: A syndicated news update in which it’s suggested that men who eat high-fat diets are at greater risk for prostate cancer. Maybe we’ll skip those eggs today.
KTLK-AM/760 (May 2)
Slogan: “Tell a Friend About AM 760/
K-TALK.”
DJs: Peter Boyles. One of the more consistently interesting yakkers in the city.
Subject matter: KTLK actually does the things that a talk-show is supposed to do: It takes a single issue and explores it from several angles. The guest is Jack DeVault, author of a book called The Waco Whitewash, which takes the federal government to task for railroading survivors of the 1993 fire at David Koresh’s Branch Davidian compound. DeVault’s point of view is debatable, and Boyles deserves credit for debating it. More surprising, the callers ask reasonably bright questions.
Commercials: Nine, plus two live advertisements by Boyles.
Worst moment: None. KTLK, on this morning at least, proved that radio can be provocative and smart. Boyles doesn’t do anything new–he doesn’t turn the medium upside-down. Rather, he simply refuses to insult his listeners’ intelligence.
end of part 2
