45 Second Reviews: the Enemy UK, Neil Halstead, Scars on Broadway, Rick Springfield

The Enemy UK
We’ll Live and Die in These Towns
Warner Music

01:30-02:15 of “Had Enough”: You know, if you’re going to have your record released on a major label like Warner, you really ought to be able to afford some pretty happening cover art – especially when your bio references the Rolling Stones and Arctic Monkey’s. All the hype in the world cannot fix what may be the absolute worst album cover of the year. Possibly in history (not because it’s ironic, not because it’s designed by someone who can’t use Photoshop, but because someone was actually paid to make it). Oh, the music was equally tasteless.

Neil Halstead
Oh! Mighty Engine
Brushfire Records

00:00-00:45 of “Sometimes the Wheels”: Neil Halstead seems like one of those artists that if he’s your friend, or if you see him live, you might be really into it. But not knowing him, or seeing him – I’m fairly “meh” about the 45 seconds we had together.

Scars on Broadway
Scars on Broadway
Scars on Broadway Records

00:50-01:35 of “Serious”: Holy crap, I am so stoked for this band, because, like, I walked out of this bar on Broadway once and totally got beaten up and have a scar – so maybe this band named itself after me. (45 seconds later) What the hell was that crap? It sounded like early ought-emo-core ala Boys Sets Fire with less gay.

Rick Springfield
Venus in Overdrive
Universal

01:00-01:45 of “What’s Victoria’s Secret?”: Sometimes I mix up artists, you know, all the ones that sound kind of the same, playing the same type of radio forget-me-nots that we all hold so dear for a week or two. So, I can’t remember, is Rick Springfield a dude that used to be cool and then got old and lame, or is he the lame one trying to repeat songs like “Jessie’s Girl” and “Don’t Talk to Strangers”?

–Thorin Klosowski