Santa Poo: Christmas just got shittier

Halloween is almost here, and you know what that means: that Christmas is also almost here — or at least close enough for the most ambitious retailers to start monkey-flinging porducts at us like so much feces. It’s just that, with most retailers, the products they’re chucking at us don’t actually involve feces. In a move that ensures a bright future for our dual American obsessions with hygiene and buying shit, however, all that’s changing, with a product that is actually called “Santa Poo.” For real.

We could tell you all about it, but nothing we could say could possibly compare to the mind-boggling inanity of this early-season press release that appeared in our inbox yesterday:

Looking for a different kind of stocking stuffer?

We are all looking for the perfect gift for the holiday season that will be a real conversation starter, right? Well what about a room deodorant straight from Santa’s sleigh. I would love to send along samples of Santa~Poo by Poo~Pourri for any last minute gift guides you might be working on.

Poo~Pourri’s formula of essential oils such as a fresh evergreen and holly scents should be sprayed into the toilet water before you go and no one else will ever know. A couple of drops of this spray creates a film along the water’s surface that traps odor at its source. This solution to embarrassing bathroom emergencies is also safe for the planet.

Start writing up those wish-lists now, kids. It’s shaping up to be a magical holiday season.