Twitter Tuesday: Sandra Bernhard hates mail fruit, douche bags and the publicly naked

The Twitter format seems like it was made for comedians: By limiting a user’s output to 140-character spurts of information, jokes can be crafted and tested instantly. Sandra Bernhard is one of the comics who get this, but as a seasoned professional, her tweets are even better than jokes: She is a good old-fashioned observational humorist. What’s more, since her gnarled voice is as notorious as her pouty, twisted grin, her tweets can be fully realized in your head as you read them. It’s like she’s talking to you personally.

So true. Edible Arrangements seem like the most awkward, suspicious gift someone could send. It’s like a coded message. The only time anyone has sent us an Edible Arrangement, it had a death threat attached to it in the form of a tiny card. Maybe that’s why Sandra’s tweet seems especially on-point.
Ah, yes. The infamous naked gym locker room blow-drying bandit. Good to know celebrities have to encounter those annoying exhibitionist types in their everyday pursuit of exercise, too. If only we could take our phone and show Sandra’s tweet to the nude lady in our locker room who’s always talking on her phone while getting ready — like she lives at 24 Hour Fitness.
Hear, hear, Sandra. “Douchey” is indeed gross, overused and, frankly, a misnomer. Besides, who douches these days?

We also complain frequently about public nudity on our Twitter feed. Follow @Westwordculture now!