Audio By Carbonatix
My pooches are complete slackers.
Recently, I discovered that Nina and Maddie are stubbornly failing to live up to their potential. If I were one of those dogs-as- surrogates-for-children women, I’d think I was a terrible parent — that I obviously hadn’t done enough to ensure their future success and self-confidence because I’d failed to enroll them in a tony private school. Instead, I’d simply relied on my own home-schooling abilities.
Sure, sure, they can sit and stay and come. Sometimes they even do down and back. But shake? Whatever. And roll over? Puh-leeze. Still, I thought, they’re not mauling small children or eating the cats. Not bad.
Then a friend took me to see the Big Apple Circus last month while I was in New York. I sat in amazement as the animal trainer convinced four fluffy white cats to use four very large dogs as their trusty steeds. It was hysterical. And when I got home, I promptly threatened my brood with this: Eat another remote control, and I’m shipping you off to the circus. (Note to animal-rights activists who are no doubt ready to flame me: Calm down. It’s a humane circus.)
Now, I wouldn’t really ship off my perros diablos, but if they had their way, they’d probably leave me for the Super Dogs Internationale troupe, performing this week at the Stock Show. As part of the canine crew, they’d get to indulge all of their leaping, jumping and running fantasies, which they currently get to indulge only infrequently at Chatfield State Park. During the National Western show, more than fifty dogs — most of them rescued from animal shelters — will display a variety of aerial stunts, tricks and comedy sketches, all set to ’50s rock and roll.
So from now on, if I threaten to send Nina and Maddie anywhere, it won’t be to Super Dogs. They might just start packing.
