Dear Readers: The Mexican is currently in the rancho, scheming about how to get close enough to Donald Trump to smear a bean burrito in his face — HA! But I did want to share two cosas. A couple weeks back, I published a letter from one Dickhead in Denver,…

Dear Mexican: I recently received the biography of Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood. While reading about his friendship with Jimi Hendrix, I came to a part in which Ronnie describes Jimi as part black, Cherokee and Mexican. I’ve always read about Jimi’s grandmother being Cherokee, but this was the first…

Dear Mexican: I’m a gabacho, but I’ve been loving menudo for about 45 years. What are your thoughts on why menudo is the Food of the Gods? I Ain’t Mexican but Mi Estómago Damn Well Is Dear No Soy Mexicano But My Stomach Sí Es: You are one smart gabacho!…

Dear Mexican: I’m writing about an epiphany I had recently about government-sponsored clamors for crackdowns on immigration, especially against members of a certain race/creed/color/ethnic group. It seems that whenever there is a cacophony of support for deportation and closing our borders, there’s also a war going on that’s going rather…

Dear Mexican: I wasn’t born in this country, but I got here as quickly as I could at the age of ten. I was born in Mexico and live in Houston, a city that is bursting at the seams with Mexicans and Latinos from every country south of the border…

Dear Mexican: Why is it so easy to escape from Mexican prisons, and why is it always accomplished the day before execution? And why have the proper authorities not figured it out yet? See Madero, Pancho Villa, Luis Terrazas Jr., etc. Fuga Frank Dear Jailbreak Fred: Don’t forget El Chapo!…

Dear Mexican: I’ve been on sex-offender registry websites a couple of times, and it seems there are a lot of names ending with -ez. Is there an elevated rate of sexual deviancy amongst Mexicans? If so, why? El Güero Guapísimo Dear Readers: This is the first time in ¡Ask a…

Dear Mexican: I live in New York, where taco trucks are a fairly recent addition to the urban landscape. I’ve noticed that they always serve their tacos with double tortillas. Why? I’m a longtime lover of Mexican food and own several Mexican cookbooks, but their recipes never call for this…

Dear Mexican: Your column about Chicanos loving the Aztecs had me both cracking up and intellectually fortified. In the end, you wrote: “But, hey: If you want to change your name from José González to Nezahualcoyotl Moctezuma and go to sweat lodges on weekends even though you’re lighter-skinned than a…

Dear Mexican: Where is my America? I’m half-Hispanic and half-Italian. I was born in Coney Island to a drug-addicted father and was raised by my mom, who had to work. We were very poor. I’ve always had to struggle for basic possessions. Spanish was not spoken in my house, so…

Dear Mexican: I’m not sure if this is solely an Orange County thing, but as a high-school student in SanTana, I can’t help but realize that the great majority of rockabilly kids are Mexican. Why is this? Weren’t the ’40s and ’50s kind of a bad time for Mexicans? Chicana…

Dear Mexican: Why are lowrider artists obsessed with surly clowns? I went to an exhibition of the art of Mr. Cartoon in Venice Beach years ago, and the clowns in his art were downright disturbing. I’ve seen these nasty clowns on T-shirts and in a bunch of other places, too…

Dear Mexican: Do your countrymen still worship the rock band Santana? Or are they looked at like the Who in England and Crosby, Stills and Nash in America: relics from the good ol’ Woodstock days? Abraxas to the Maxas Dear Gabacho: Mexicans never actually worshipped Carlos Santana, who was born…

Dear Mexican: From what I’ve seen and heard, Mexicans are very family-oriented. They take the names of their mothers and fathers, live with extended family, take carpooling to the nth degree, and tattoo the names of their children across their bodies. We recently had a party and invited one of…

Dear Mexican: Why do white people love Marco Rubio and cry at his speeches? Rubio was in town selling his vision-for-America mierda to his gabacho constituency, and they drank it up like Tía’s fresh jamaica. They wondered why we Mexicans can’t get behind the Great Brown Hope. Do we know…

Dear Mexican: My beloved niece married a boy of Mexican extraction. I am very fond of him, but he and his family hold us at arm’s length. It’s very difficult to get close and has made me back off. My niece has told me that his mother “doesn’t like white…

Dear Mexican: I work with mostly young, progressive, educated white folks at an institution of higher education in Southern California. The other day, I mentioned buying a shirt that reads “Illegal immigration started in 1492.” We had a good laugh, and my co-worker, whom I like a lot, said that…

Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans make up such obvious lies? Like this galán who had his sister call me and say it was him with a cold. Or my friend who pretends to be traveling the world but is really sending e-mails from his mother’s computer. Or the random person…

Dear Mexican: Why do Mexican men have thicker hair than Caucasian men? Is it because it runs in the genes? (I am only asking about hair on the head, not body hair.) Frankie Dear Gabacho: It’s always about the genes for Mexicans, whether it’s our love for tortillas and tamales…

Dear Mexican: Do Mexicans know that if one of their grandparents was born in Spain, they can immigrate immediately not just to Spain, but also to any other country in the European Union? I know this is not an option for a lot of Mexicans, but it certainly seems like…

Dear Mexican: I’m a 23-year-old Latina attending a Texas university. I’m taking a class centered around Latino culture and history. I’m a first-generation Tex-Mex kid, and lately all of the coursework has been making me feel angry/sad/confused, for lack of better phrasing. I don’t know how to handle these feelings,…