Dear Mexican: I had a discussion with a couple of gringos who said immigration (both legal and illegal) needs to stop. I replied jokingly, “Then who will take our orders at McDonald’s or work in the fields?” They told me there are Americans willing to work those jobs, especially in…
Dear Mexican: I’ve run into a problem with my wife. I’d like to proudly display our last name on the back window of the family car, but she won’t allow it. Where did this name-display tradition start? Tejano Rick Dear Wab: A Mexican man who allows his mujer a say…
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans say “¡Ojalá Dios quiere!”? Ojalá refers to Allah, the Muslim god, and Dios is the Christian god. Do Mexicans want to cover their bases and get a double blessing, or maybe they can’t they make up their minds? ¿Qué pasó con los dos dioses? White…
Dear Readers: You love us, you really love us! Mere moments after publishing my July 12 column (in which a couple of Know Nothings had their say on the failed Senate amnesty bill), ustedes bombarded the Mexican with letters expressing your disgust toward those pendejos. Space prohibits printing them all,…
Dear Mexican: Why don’t Mexicans ever drop their Spanish? Even third- and fourth-generation Mexican-Americans still speak the language to some degree or other. I speak Japanese, but I’m losing it quickly, and when my mother passes on, so will my language. The typical Asian-American kid may attend Chinese, Korean or…
Dear Mexican: Colorado boasts a large Mexican population and ski industry, yet so few Mexicans ski. Please explain. Vail Vato Dear Gabacho: Why should we? So ustedes can call us frostbacks? Dear Mexican: Okay, so there’s a shitload of you wabs in Denver now. And, yes, I know Colorado means…
Dear Mexican: I welcome the inclusion of a nice big scoop of chopped habañeros in the bland casserole that is America. I must admit, however, that it gave me pause the other day when I saw an all-too-typical familia of recent arrivals at Kmart: mom, pop and four kids less…
Dear Mexican: A friend once asked me for a Spanish word or phrase that contains fewer syllables than its English counterpart. After years of thinking about this, the only one I could come up with was “Tengo sed” (three syllables), compared to “I am thirsty” (four syllables). This could be…
Dear Readers: Contrary to what some of ustedes think, racist gabachos and self-hating Mexicans aren’t my only fans. Many of our friendly neighbors to the Great White Norte also love me. In honor of my home town Anaheim Ducks pounding on pussy Canadians to win the Stanley Cup, I dedicate…
Dear Mexican: Often when we see Mexican bands perform, the crowd starts chanting “¡Cu-le-ro!” Why does the crowd yell “asshole” at a band they seemingly adore and pay a lot of money to see? Need Más Earplugs Dear Wab: ¡Culero! is the Bronx cheer of Mexican society. We use it…
Dear Mexican: I was sitting around with my daughter and her Mexican husband the other day talking about her past. Jokingly, I mentioned that when she was a teenager (thirty years ago), lots of boys came by the house to see her. Her husband flew into a rage and said…
Dear Mexican: Has the 1965 Immigration Act proved to be a good thing or a bad thing for America, and has the recent unprecedented flood of immigrants (both legal and illegal) been an overall good thing or bad thing for America? Please fully explain your answer and include economic, cultural…
Dear Mexican: I was going through a local state college’s academic program the other day and found that it offers a bachelor’s degree in Chicano Studies. My question is, in what field of work would someone with a bachelor’s in Chicano Studies land? Here are a few jobs I came…
Dear Mexican: I have no problem with immigrants. My grandparents were Dutch on one side and Irish on the other — but they came here legally, through Ellis Island. What I can’t stand are a bunch of fence-hopping, river-wading illegals telling me I owe them a free education, free health…
Dear Readers: Gracias, gracias, gracias to ustedes who bought the Mexican’s book last week (deportation for those who haven’t). I’ve done mucho national press, and e-mails have invaded my inbox as a result, which means I lost the first question I wanted to answer this week. A Seattle reader had…
Dear Mexican: I’m a gringa married to a mexicano, and we have a three-year-old son. His family is wonderful for the most part, and they adore my son, but as he is getting older, his tíos are trying to “toughen him up” and make him more macho. So far, they’ve…
Dear Readers: The Reconquista has arrived! On May 1, ¡Ask a Mexican! comes out in book form, gracias to the literary madmen at Scribner. Expect more of the same, but más: more essays, more illustrations from Mark Dancey (the gabacho who created this column’s logo), and more questions. Below are…
Dear Mexican: Have you seen the e-mail flying around, allegedly from country-rock star Charlie Daniels? What’s your reaction? The Mexicans Went Down to Georgia Dear Gabacho: I love it. For ustedes readers who don’t know what we’re talking about: In April 2006, one-hit has-been Charlie Daniels posted an essay on…
Dear Mexican: What do Mexicans think about President Bush’s grandfather having a hand in getting the guy that robbed Pancho Villa’s head out of jail? Kruising Klassily in Kennebunkport Dear KKK: Ah, Villa’s stolen skull. No macabre Mexican legend is more mired in intrigue, distortions and looniness — and in…
Dear Mexican: Why should Mexican nationals have more of a right to stay in this country than Chinese, Somalis or others who can’t cross an open-land border and must thus wait on the bureaucracy like everybody else? 700 Miles Isn’t Long Enough Dear Gabacho: ‘Cause this land once belonged to…
Dear Readers: Muchas, muchas responses to my March 8 column asking whether I should keep the gold-toothed, mustachioed, sombrero-wearing fat Mexican logo and, if so, what should I name him. The overwhelming majority of ustedes support amnesty for the wab, but a few folks also made articulate arguments in favor…
Dear Mexican: I’m perplexed. I just saw a middle-aged wab wearing tight pink stretch pants with the phrase “Pink Taco” emblazoned across her misshapen buttocks. In my experience, Mexicans of the Mexico-born variety seem to wear a lot of clothes with odd/tacky slogans. My question is simple: Do wabs know…
