Dear Mexican: Why do Mexican men think all gabachas are like the girls in Bikini Car Wash? I am married, a conservative dresser, frankly not very good-looking at all (but I do have blond hair, so maybe that counts for something on a guy’s internal whore-o-meter), but I speak karate-choppin’-good…

Dear Mexican: What do Mexicans in the United States think of the violent drug cartels in Mexico? Do local Latinos cringe with disgust or fear when they hear another drug-cartel story on the news, or do they feel a sense of disconnect because they are living in America now and…

Dear Mexican: I’ve heard that the Tijuana donkey show featuring a female whore is not real other than the fact that they do bring out a donkey and do some simulation for people who are drunk.Down-Low Loco Dear Gabacho: You’re right. And after months of research, the Mexican can confirm…

Dear Mexican: Why don’t Mexicans tip decently? I labor as a waitress in a local upscale steakhouse where, unfortunately, many Mexicans eat, and the lousy tips are starting to piss me off! Even blacks tip better! (Although, I gotta say, Mexicans are much easier to wait on. No constant requests…

Dear Mexican: Why don’t Mexicans get green cards and come into the United States legally? After talking to people who have, the process is not hard and only takes a maximum of three years to do. By coming in illegally, they are taking the jobs from legal Mexican citizens and…

Dear Mexican: One of the things I have found enjoyable and profound is the use of language by Chicanos, mexicanos and Mexican-Americans. Humor and a sardonic sense of history, in my view, are encapsulated in many everyday expressions. Two examples I can think of are the use of huey (or…

Dear Mexican: A very close friend of mine is supposed to become a U.S. citizen. He was brought here by his parents when he was nine and has been illegal since then. When the laws changed, he went through a lot of hoops, and it really didn’t look good for…

Dear Mexican: The Mexican-American community is the most adversely affected by the influx of illegals. Only the politicians have any gain from lumping all Hispanics into the “Latino” category. Are proud, hardworking Mexican-Americans actually willing to continually diminish their own children’s American future purely to facilitate the radical Chicano politicians’…

Dear Mexican: I’m from the southeastern United States, and people think — correctly, in some cases (see: Bush, G.W.) — that everyone here is dumb. Is there a similar place in Mexico where other Mexicans think the people are inbred mouth-breathers?Swanee Señor Dear Gabacho: Jalisco. Dear Mexican: I am a…

Dear Mexican: I see lots of Mexican-Americans struggling in grade school and high school. Many Mexican-American activists claim it’s because they don’t speak English at home or the schools don’t teach them well. But I see lots of Asian-Americans in the same schools who do really well. Many of them…

Dear Readers: The Mexican just got married to a chica caliente, and he’s taking her on a honeymoon to the motherland so she can learn the proper art of tortilla-making. In the meantime, I offer this Best Of edition, because I plan to do all of my work this week…

Dear Mexican: I’m not Mexican, but my son-in-law is. He is intelligent, bright, enthusiastic and pleasant to spend time with. He came here, illegally, at the age of eighteen, with his aunts. He and my daughter are married, have a three-and-a-half-year-old son, and have gone through the entire process of…

Dear Mexican: I’m a handsome exemplar of the bronce race living in the motherland. I’m dating a beautiful and wonderful gringuita who is soon taking a trip over the border from the U.S. to Mexico for the first time to visit me and my pinche big family. There are a…

Dear Mexican: What is with the many gringos/gabachos who constantly slaughter Spanish words? Spanish is easy to pronounce (and spell) compared to English. The vowels (a, e, i, o, u) are always pronounced the same way. In English, vowels vary a lot — difficult for new learners. All of the…

Dear Mexican: I am from an Arabic-speaking country. After my education is completed here, I’ll be returning to my country or to Kuala Lumpur. Since I’ve been in this country, I’ve noticed there’s a rising tide of hatred toward Mexicans. I’ve talked to Mexicans, and they all say they’re proud…

Dear Mexican: I have some questions and observations. During George W. Bush’s administration, there was a lot of talk about comprehensive immigration reform (amnesty, to some). One remark that I recall was made by a Mexican and was something like, “Go back to Europe!” Aren’t Mexicans of European descent, also?…

Dear Mexican: I noticed that Mexican people don’t generally smoke. I’m not condoning smoking, but it’s interesting to see how some groups do or don’t smoke, and I have yet to see a Mexican person smoke cigarettes. Does the tobacco industry not target Latinos?Fulminating Fumador Dear Gabacho Smoker: American Lung…

Dear Mexican: The tragedy currently playing out on the U.S. southern border has reminded me to once again ask my (slightly tweaked) question, posed three years ago and perhaps more relevant than ever: If the U.S. had sponsored and funded infrastructural, educational, social and economic development in Mexico and Central…

Dear Mexican: I think I might be Mexican, but there are some people who might disagree. Being that you are the source of all knowledge mexicano, I thought I might ask you. Here’s the deal: My ancestors left the U.S. in 1847 knowingly and entered recognized territorio mexicano. The U.S…

Dear Mexican: Why do some Mexicans expect us to learn Spanish instead of them learning English? (Note: I said some, not most or all!) I’m offended whenever I am assaulted by listening to anything in Spanish on phone menus or see it on forms that I have to fill out…

Dear Mexican: If dark-skinned people are so “undesirable,” unwelcome and put down by gringos, how come gringos bake in the sun like zopilotes to get dark? Summer is fantasy time for all of them, when they can actually get some color in that white skin of theirs. Maybe the whole…

Dear Mexican: I am a Mexican who owns a successful wholesale liquidation business, which happens to be an industry dominated by Jews and Asians and some gringos. So why does almost everyone, including mexicanos, who visits my warehouse think my business — or any successful business, for that matter —…