Ask a Mexican: Why do Mexicans like palm trees so much?

Dear Mexican: I live in La Habra, and I’ve noticed that the local Mexicans have a real affinity for palm trees — the more, the better. Some houses have more than fifty planted in a 10’x20′ front yard, so many you can’t see the house. What’s up with this? Is…

How do I raise an ethnically ambiguous child?

Dear Mexican: I’m a U.S.-born Mexican who spent part of my life growing up in Tijuana. Why do Mexican-Americans from Santa Ana and South Gate always think they’re harder than the rest of us Mexicans, yet their neighborhoods are like a hundred times better than the colonia I grew up…

Why are Mexican drug cartels so evil?

Dear Mexican: Recently, a co-worker turned me on to a website that features many videos of unspeakable atrocities the drug cartels are committing in Mexico, many graphically displaying murders and beheadings. I recently saw one of a woman getting her head cut off with a knife! Now I wish I…

Why don’t more stations offer English subtitles?

Dear Mexican: In Philadelphia, where I live, there are three Spanish-language stations on regular broadcast television. None of them offer English subtitles. I’ll bet plenty of people of all heritages would like to check out Spanish-language television, or the news from Central America or whatever, if we could get subtitles…

Can you get authentic Mexican food in the U.K.?

Dear Readers: The U.K.’s spectacular Guardian newspaper has asked if I could field some questions for their readers as part of the paper’s summer travel package. Turns out Brits want to know more about Mexican food! Let’s be benevolent toward those buggerers: Their idea of what our comida constitutes comes…

Why are Mexican hot dogs called Doyer Dogs?

Dear Mexican: I went to a Los Angeles Dodgers game today and noticed that they now have Doyer Dogs, which are disgusting and covered in nacho cheese, jalapeños and chili. Not that it doesn’t have potential, but this is Dodger Stadium, not a food truck. But my question: Do you…

Where do people buy guns in Mexico?

Dear Mexican: Like many Americans, I’ve heard about the Fast and Furious scandal, in which our own ATF was shown to be corrupt and guilty of supplying guns that ended up in the hands of the drug cartels. I also recently saw a report about the violence in Mexico, and…

Why do people think adding an -o at the end makes it Spanish?

Dear Mexican: Where did the notion of adding an -o to the end of an English word and assuming it makes it a Spanish word come from? Juanito Dear Wab: “Anglos have long held power in making Spanish and Spanish-speaking culture invisible,” writes University of South Florida assistant professor of…

Why are people from Chihuahua and Monterrey such jerks?

Dear Mexican: Why is it that people from Chihuahua and Monterrey are such jackasses? They come from pinches ranchitos and talk about their haciendas, and they cross the border and act as if their cagada does not stink. Why do they act as if they are better than us American…

Why don’t you tell all your readers to learn English?

Dear Mexican: Although I’m familiar with your column, I don’t read it regularly. But today I was struck by something you said recently. And I quote: “We called ourselves Spanish, we considered ourselves white.” I’m Mexican, and I consider myself “white” because I’m not black or red or Asian. I…

Where can I learn more about ranchera music?

Dear Mexican: I have always liked ranchera music. As of late, I have wanted to get deeper into it as far as the history, the culture and especially the songs and lyrics go. The older I get, the more rancheras seem like poetry to me…sounds cursi, I know. I was…

How did tamarind become so popular?

Dear Mexican: What do we need to do to make the güeros understand that we come in peace? As Mexicans, we are from this great American continent as well, but in the average closed-minded English-speaking folks’ definition of “American,” it’s amusing to see they don’t understand what it really means…

Why do so many chicanas skip school to babysit?

Dear Mexican: Please explain to me why so many mexicanas seem to think it more important to stay home and baby-sit than to attend school (so that they may become more in life than producers of offspring). As an educator (lately of students identified as “at risk” for failure in…

How can I help my son keep his gabacho roots?

Dear Mexican: About six years ago, my wife and I adopted a little baby boy. He is “pure” mestizo and we are complete wabs. I’m a little dark because of my mixed Arab heritage, but my wife is a major-league blanca. He is a sweet little gabacho growing up in…

Ask a Mexican: What do the words on this T-shirt mean?

Dear Mexican: I’m living in Mexico part of the year. I’m learning Spanish, but I can’t say I understand or speak it well. I read several books about the history of Mexico and think I’m reasonably well-informed. I’m curious about a phrase I saw on a T-shirt in an expensive…

Why do Mexicans crush on Lindsay Lohan?

Dear Mexican: I would be most interested in hearing your point of view regarding our raza always voting for someone with a Latino last name, without even considering if the vato/vata is qualified for a particular office.  Often I hear comments like, “If he’s Latino, it makes up for all…

The guayabera says something about its owner

Dear Readers: The Mexican is currently dealing with deportation issues but will return next week once he builds his fifteen-foot escalera to climb over that pesky fourteen-foot wall. In the meantime, here are some oldies but goodies to tide you over like yesterday’s menudo. Enjoy! Dear Mexican: It seems that…

Why aren’t legal immigrants angrier about the illegal ones?

Dear Mexican: You mentioned in the past that your dad is against illegal immigration, but that’s a voice you never hear. Why aren’t the legal immigrants and legal aliens “vocally outraged” about the illegals who drive down wages, drive up housing prices, use government services, give all immigrants a bad…

How do I maximize my burrito-eating skills?

Dear Mexican: In the past, you have defended illegal immigrants by arguing that they (paraphrasing one of your previous columns) will do the jobs gabachos won’t do for the same wages. I agree. I have a white-collar job, so I’m totally content to benefit from the low prices brought about…

Why do Mexican use streets as their playgrounds?

Dear Mexican: I’m 39. My stepdad — who raised me — just died. This freed my mother to tell me (Stepdad always forbade it) that the man I thought was my biological father all this time was not. The man who IS my biological father is Mexican…totally (i.e., both of…