In a perfect world, firefighters would not wear those heavy, shapeless jackets they wear when fighting fires — they would be doing it shirtless, that all might see their turgid pectoral muscles and washboard abs as they glisten and twitch with the exertion of heroes’ work. But this is not…
Since time immemorial, man has dreamed of flight. We now know that was a stupid dream, because yesterday I proved once and for all — on behalf of myself and all mankind, except for Erin Roberts, who was wearing a chicken suit like some kind of fucking Benedict Arnold –…
With the half-exception of Pauly D, the entire case of The Jersey Shore is pretty repulsive — but none more repulsive than Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, whose very pores pretty much ooze the stink of date-rape. Like many insufferable douchebags, The Situation is an obvious fan of Abercrombie & Fitch,…
Speed-stacking cups is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: You stack the most cups in the least amount of time possible. “It’s pointless and stupid, but of course I’ve spent hundreds of hours doing it myself,” admits Christopher “Aji” Slater. Pointless, stupid talents are kind of Slater’s M.O., and…
Since time immemorial, firefighters have been putting out fires while simultaneously starting them in the hearts of lusty ladies everywhere: Something about firefighters is just sexy. “They’ll run into a burning building to save you,” observes Angela Kmezich, spokeswoman for Fired Up for Kids, the nonprofit that’s been putting together…
Update 2! The bicycle vs. pigeon vs. moped race results are in. “Victory is partially mine! How I defeated a pigeon but not a chicken on a moped (video).” Update! In the last hour, I’ve been informed to two grievous attempts to put me at a disadvantage: 1). MCA Denver…
Douchebags: Can’t live with ’em, don’t really want to live with ’em. But what if their obnoxious behavior is inadvertent? What if they’re really just normal guys like you and me, forced into douchery by cruel circumstance? Today, because we’re so magnanimous — and because it’s Wednesday, the day we…
There’s no way to offend a sub-culture, it seems, like writing silly captions beneath pics of one of their gatherings. So it goes with furries, many of whom have been upset by my Furry Field Guide, which parodied a National Geographic-style wildlife manual using photos from the 2011 Rocky Mountain…
In the world of slam poetry, there’s no higher distinction than a win at the annual National Poetry Slam — and over this past weekend, that distinction went to the poets of Denver’s Slam Nuba, upstart arrival to the Denver slam scene (and 2011 Westword MasterMind) — if, having won…
Probably in large part due to the popular misconception that it basically consists of sports mascots having sex, there are few subcultures more mysterious than furry fandom. Certainly, we tried to be sensitive when we interviewed Sorin Katt, coordinator of the Rocky Mountain Fur Con 2011, about what writer Cory…
Pigeons, it seems, have at least one other use besides shitting on statues: racing. For its upcoming exhibit Thinking About Flying, the Museum of Contemporary Art Denver partnered up with the Foothills Pigeon Racing Club to train a group of racing pigeons to fly from the homes of MCA visitors,…
I was once a juggalo. There, I said it. Circa 1997, when I was just a tender lad of fifteen with frosted hair, 74-inch leg openings on my jeans and a perpetual boner, Insane Clown Posse was just catching on nationwide, but was already the shit within the community of…
It’s a well known fact that animals are people, too, which is why Morrissey doesn’t eat them. Less well known is that some animals are actually people, a rare and fascinating sub-genus of sapiens sapiens known as Furries, which work, play, hunt and mate unseen among the less heteroclite members…
It’s been a banner year for Slam Nuba, the newer nationally competitive arrival on the Denver slam poetry scene, and for a group started hardly four years ago, it’s seen some remarkable achievements already. Having placed in the top ten finishing teams at the National Poetry Slam (slam poetry’s annual…
This summer, dozens of grown adults spent hours upon hours of valuable time playing with LEGOs toward the goal of winning mild fame and glory in Build-A-Brickbuster Pixelfest, an international film festival and contest celebrating the art of making stop-motion animation with tiny toys, held over the weekend of August…
In the small (literally) but fascinating world of people who make art using GI Joes, Gio Toninelo is pretty much a god. The founder and curator of GI Joe Fest, an international GI Joe-centric stop-motion film festival that branched out of Denver last year to locations as far-flung as Slovakia…
After intermittent bouts with alcoholism and diet pills, Bree Davies has channeled her addictive personality into a somewhat less unhealthy obsession: yoga. That’s the subject of her latest edition of Breeality Bites, wherein she acknowledges that it comes with the side effect of trying to compete with grandmothers but denies…
Gather round, children, and I will tell you of a time — it was, like, at least 50 years ago — when there was racism. Those days are over, of course, and in the bright future of today all humans live in perfect harmony with no economic or institutional discrepancy…
There are a lot of things that LEGOs are known for: building elaborate worlds and models with small blocks, providing meticulous, mildly OCD adults with a pastime, getting caught in the throats of small children. But it’s that second subset that’s creating a legacy for the building toy that lesser…
The first time doing anything is always a learning experience, and certainly Dana Cain and Tracy Weil’s first go at a Denver County Fair was no exception to that rule. Cain will change a few things next year, she told us yesterday — a bigger animal pavilion, more live competitions…
After all the strife and human sacrifice during the civil rights movement, it was pretty awesome in the end when every black person was triumphant in some way and every villain got her hilariously cathartic comeuppance by eating a pie full of feces — but let’s not forget that it…
Like any good story of adventure on the high seas, Sam Bellamy’s began with unrequited love: Smitten with a girl beyond his station and rebuffed by her parents, the young sailor set sail to make his fortune. “He did it the quickest way,” says Mark Lach, senior vice president of…
