U-ROC. Every bartender should have a signature drink — and I’m not talking about a “great” Cosmo. How about a little originality? And while we’re at it, how about a cocktail that isn’t so sweet it induces diabetes? I’m going to give the bartender at McLoughlin’s a tiny break, though,…

Careful, dude, it’s creeper weed. A football player named Mike always showed up to our high school English class with about a dozen assorted candy bars. He’d start out looking a little squinty-eyed, then gradually become stoned out of his gourd as the class went on. Mike also sold pot:…

Black Pearl is the newest gem on Old South Pearl, a street full of jewels. The restaurant is beautiful, highly stylized, sleek and modern, with Zen-like enhancements — the wall of backlit bottles in the bar, for example, and the patio with a community table complete with an ultra-cool fire…

When I heard there was a new Vietnamese restaurant named Parallel 17, I wondered why anyone would saddle a place with such a horrible reminder of war. I also wondered if the owners would have gone with the same name if the restaurant were located on Monroe Street instead of…

Never trust a guy who drinks a Bubble-Lee. Over the years, I’ve adopted a couple of clear-cut rules about guys. They must be willing to suffer through at least one theatrical performance a season and at least pretend to enjoy it. They cannot have more piercings than I do. They…

The second I walked into Steak au Poivre, I expected a diminutive man in a white suit to run past me, pointing into the air and screaming “Da plane, da plane!” The ambience of the place is very Fantasy Island, complete with wicker chairs, a big palm in the corner…

Shake it like you got it. Herman’s Hideaway was the first live-music venue I got into with a fake ID. As a Denver teen who hadn’t traveled much, I imagined that it was our version of New York’s legendary CBGB, the thoroughly hip and cool place to see up-and-coming bands…

There was this one time, at band camp…. John Burr has had a lot of big ideas. In 1993 he established Soundstructure Studios, providing spaces where acts can rehearse at full tilt without hearing the music of the band next door or subjecting their neighbors to songs that might make…

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. The minute I set foot in the Donkey Den, I thought about the old joke where Saint Peter lets a man try both Heaven and Hell in order to decide where he’d prefer to spend eternity. He goes to Heaven first, and…

Welcome to the newest dive in town. When we entered the bar at the new Downtown Aquarium (formerly the barless Colorado’s Ocean Journey), my friend oohed and aahed. “Gosh, it looks just like a grotto,” she said. Yes, but more like the Disneyland grotto on the Pirates of the Caribbean…

Dylan’s Ass Deluxe 30 South Broadway 303-722-1550 I don’t really understand why, but I just adore Deluxe. Does it have the best bar in town? Not even close — in fact, the bar lacks both depth and breadth. Best food? I’m a huge fan, but I’m no professional food critic…

Six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Sometimes Denver seems so small that the concept of six degrees of separation feels vastly overstated. (Say, like when I discover that Patrick Osborn, this paper’s Drunk of the Week, was drinking in the very same place I was, as happened this past week.) When…

For some pathetic reason, every time I go to a great happy hour I encounter an unhappy old flame. So far, the only spot that’s escaped this curse is McCormick’s in the corner of the Oxford Hotel — and its happy-hour deal is so good that I’d be willing to…

Exactly what the trendy (read: expensive) bars around the corner along Larimer Square needed: a front porch. The Front Porch is a beautiful yet comfortable sanctuary for twentysomethings, like your coolest friend’s parents’ basement, complete with PlayStation. I walked in and ordered a more grown-up toy, an extra-dry vodka martini…

I’ve never understood why certain food and drink specialties are available just once a year. Do I only crave Cadbury Creme Eggs at Easter? Do I only want candy corn around Halloween, candy canes at Christmas? Had McDonald’s kept its Shamrock Shake on the menu year-round, perhaps children today would…

Many years ago, I drank many margaritas at Juanita’s. So when noted restaurateur Frank Bonanno returned this corner space on 17th Avenue to its Mexican roots, transforming the old Rhino Room into Milagro Taco Bar, it seemed like my formative years had been miraculously resurrected. And what I found at…

It had been a while since I’d last been dragged to a karaoke bar. It had been such a long while, in fact, that back then, I couldn’t even pass the excruciating time with a game that not-so-new trends now make possible. On a recent visit to Armida’s, for instance,…

Which Colorado establishment sells the most Bacardi rum? I wouldn’t have guessed Samba Room, but when Tim Maness, executive chef and managing partner, told me that this Larimer Square establishment serves between 1,100 and 1,600 mojitos each week, the answer made sense. The bar also goes through ten pounds –…

Scientists at the Webb-Waring Institute for Cancer, Aging and Antioxidant Research know the secret, and it’s not blueberries. According to a bartender at the Recovery Room, this joint fills with Institute researchers in the afternoon; when I stopped in at night, I found an eclectic neighborhood crowd that had made…

When many non-smokers drink, they suddenly turn into smokers. Most of my friends are supposedly non-smokers, but after a few cocktails about half of them become “social” smokers — an ironic oxymoron, because I never feel particularly social toward someone blowing smoke in my face. Since I’m a solid non-smoker,…

Everyone knows about the drunk guy at the party who ends up with a lamp shade on his head. At the newly remodeled 1515 Restaurant, there’s already a fetching woman with a lamp shade on her head, as well as two absolutely perfect breasts just below — captured in a…

I scream, you scream. Gelato and alcohol are two of my top-five foods, so I was thrilled when Gelazzi, a bar and gelato shop, opened in Larimer Square last November. The bright space, filled with modern Italian decor in vibrant colors, is delightful — almost as delightful as the Gelazzi…