I didn’t get out last weekend, and I doubt that you did, either, because we are apparently under biological attack. I don’t know for sure where this bug came from, but it’s probably hell. The bug ravages your body until you’re so sensitive that even your hair hurts and you…

In our continuing effort to improve the human race, we here at the Institute for Drinking Studies are eager to answer those questions that all of us have after seven straight hours of drinking. In the aftermath of a very liquid weekend at Govnr’s Park Restaurant (672 Logan Street), Dr…

When purchasing a home, you must consider many points. The location needs to be somewhere you’ll feel safe — and must also have good resale value. When the time comes to sell, it’s difficult to cut a deal if your potential buyers are abducted from the back yard or clipped…

Sitting at the Bull & Bush (4700 Cherry Creek Drive South) with several friends and co-workers, I indulged in my favorite stress-relieving activity outside of directly setting fire to taxpayers’ money: pondering all of life’s difficult questions. My thoughts were even more profound than usual, owing to the fact that…

As if feeling like I had been hit by a Mack truck wasn’t bad enough, I had to wait for coffee on Sunday morning. I am not a patient guy by nature, but few things aggravate me more than amateur coffee drinkers clogging up the line with elaborate orders. For…

Thanks to too many beers, I have once again made a major breakthrough in the field of human sociology. And it was the Purple Martini (1336 15th Street), of all places, that helped me identify the fundamental problem between men and women. Before I reveal the information that will put…

As I bellied up to the bar at LoDo’s Bar and Grill (1946 Market Street), I turned to my buddy and said, “I couldn’t be happier right now.” There were a couple of reasons for this. First, I’d just attended my ten-year Air Force Academy reunion. It was good to…

A woman can convince herself she’s in love in a matter of minutes. But only a guy who’s drunk can convince himself he’s in love in a matter of minutes — and pay for the privilege. This is exactly what happened on a recent night at Shotgun Willie’s (490 South…

After a few beers, guys are capable of solving all the world’s problems, performing feats of superhuman strength and experiencing Zen-like enlightenment. Alcohol’s mind-freeing ability allows us to express feelings anywhere along the spectrum, from shouting “Play ‘Freebird!'” to “I love you, man!,” and to channel this energy for the…

The crucial question of the morning: Does anybody remember how I cut my hand? I, unfortunately, have no idea — because last night, we entered the Vortex. That’s a term coined by some friends to describe how things tend to spin out of control when we go out: You get…

Sometimes it’s good to be a doctor. The other night in LoDo, for example, when those tens of thousands of dollars in tuition debt came in handy for diagnosing a medical emergency. It was a beautiful night, although apparently the folks at Rio Grande thought it was a beautiful night…

If you’re going to stick with the maxim “Liquor then beer, never fear,” there are few better places to get stuck than at Las Margaritas. First, the restaurant serves up good, greasy Mexican food that helps reduce the number of free radicals that destroy your brain while you drink. And…