Top five Pulitzer-worthy music memoirs

Nothing, to our way of thinking, is more captivating than the true story of very real struggle. We all have these little musical fantasies, strumming our Fenders in the dark of our apartments, listening to a little Miles Davis or Johnny Cash.

Screw you, Paul Simon! We love your pop!

In a recent interview, Paul Simon proclaimed that he’s no longer concerned with topping the pop-music charts, and that he can now go back to writing and performing the songs that are true to his nature. To that statement, we say, “FUCK YOU, PAUL SIMON.” We love your pop music;…

Vanilla Ice, pantomime? The highlights of a never ending career.

Vanilla Ice — famed rapper-turned-dancer-turned boxer-turned-motocross-professional-turned-remodeler — is reportedly playing Captain Hook in pantomime production of Peter Pan in London. Although he’d probably be a better fit in the lead role (since he, too, refuses to grow up), he’ll instead play Hook using the talents of body and facial movement…

Top Five Rebecca Black Disses

By now, you’ve heard “Friday,” right, that horrendous Rebecca Black song? Although we firmly believe it is an abomination, we are super-psyched to not only have something new to make fun of, but we are now able to relish Rebecca Black’s career-demise and observe in the vast, demented glory that…

Ten Songs about masturbation

Hanging the Hamster. The Five Digit Disco. Jerking the Johnson. There’s a million terms for the ingratiating act of self-love. Look, if we’re being real here, there’s no shame in the game. After all, not everyone can be pleasured by super-fantastic lovers all day, everyday, and sometimes this means having…

Royal Wedding Singers: Top 5 picks to perform

We’ve patiently sat through constant reports of Prince William and Kate’s big day. We’re being bombarded hourly by updates about what color Kate’s panties are going to be and what crazy diet she’s on. About what tuxedo Prince William will sport and where he’s getting his royal pubes trimmed. And…

Top 5 Famous Writer/Musician Feuds

Sometimes hurt feelings and death threats bring people closer together — that definitely seems to be the case of the former web editor at our sister paper in Los Angeles, Erin Broadley, and shock-rocker Marilyn Manson, who once threatened to kill her. After the two met, they came to the…

Top 5 songs that will lead you into alcoholism

There are a ton of songs out there that inspire us to throw down. For some it’s the awesome “Margaritaville,” and for others it’s the dive-bar proud “Friends in Low Places.” But even these songs are lighthearted. They might be about alcohol, but they don’t really inspire you to get…

Top 5 Possible Names for MTV’s ‘O’ Awards

Fucking MTV. On the heels of its “extreme” strategy, we just heard the network is introducing another awards show that is apparently supposed to celebrate the “migration of music to the digital space.” The show will honor tweets and best apps…uhhh…what?!? This isn’t an awards show; this is an extra-fees-will-apply…

Top 5 Worst Product Placements in Videos

It’s understandable to sneak in a little ad placement all up in your video, but when the product makes more appearances than the musician? There’s a problem. As of late, advertising in music videos has become disgustingly apparent. It’s not just the sweet, sweet jams that are bringing in millions…

Top five things Miley Cyrus has destroyed

It’s clear that Miley Cyrus has contributed to the moneymaking machine that is Hollywood since Hannah Montana debuted in 2006. But how does that affect you? If you feel dirty while watching a stripper slide down a pole or feel awkward when you give your dad a hug, you can…