El Toro Palomo

Stupid question, but have you ever just needed a drink? Not wanted one, or felt compelled to have one because it was Friday or Monday morning, or because someone exerted some major peer pressure by calling you a certain female gynecological body part. And not needed physically, either — to…

Funky Monkey

Like the beer! When I lived in Manhattan, I had a friend named Michael Jackson. Whenever he introduced himself, people would ask: “Where’s your glove?” or “Where’s Bubbles the Chimp?” or “Can you moon-walk?” Local comedian/ sportswriter Sam Adams has taken advantage of his famous name (trust me, people aren’t…

Caldonia’s

I would like to present the latest Institute of Drinking Studies breakthrough in applied physics: the Bathroom Theory of Relativity. You’re engrossed in a discussion — say, about what to name your friend’s impending child — and finally must sprint to the bathroom because you’ve held and held so that…

LannieTini

When a drag queen starts talking about her inner bitch, you know it’s time for a cocktail. There are other good times for cocktails, of course, but it would be hard to top Tuesday night at Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret, when the hilariously funny “Demented Divas” take the stage at the…

Brooklyn’s at the Pepsi Center

According to the Guy Code, it is not socially acceptable for two guys to split a burger or any other food item when out in a group. This rule is well defined; the only people allowed to share are girls, couples and men who are inclined to split a “salad.”…

Aphrotini

With a name like Aphrotini, I was fearful this contender in the T-Zero Signature Drink Contest would contain some weird, curly ingredient. But I quickly learned that the cocktail — concocted by Trilogy bartender Blair Young — referred not to the Afro hairstyle, but to the word “aphrodisiac.” And then…

Hangar Bar

Sometimes you just need to get out — as I did after being cut off on Colorado Boulevard by one of those punk kids who thinks it’s cool to push his seat back so far that he can’t even see over the steering wheel. And not just get out, but…

Pyrat Rum & Coke

A few weeks ago, as part of my warmup for the Denver Film Festival, I headed to Starz FilmCenter for a training session with a heavy independent film. But first I stopped by the concession stand, where I was delighted to find a bar. Actually, to call it a “bar”…

Lucile’s

I’ve never been a huge fan of New Orleans, not even now that it’s the socially progressive thing to be. And while I’ve been intrigued by stories of Mardi Gras, including an account from an old girlfriend who swore that as she left her hotel lobby one Fat Tuesday, she…

Prime 121 Martini

A significant part of my childhood consisted of sitting with my family in front of a large, wood-enshrined television watching shows like I Dream of Jeannie and Gunsmoke while eating TV dinners on TV trays and drinking Grape Nehi. As I sat on the orange shag carpet of my suburban…

Piatti Locali

The Institute of Drinking Studies would like to announce the latest social breakthrough: the adult baby shower. This novel concept progresses far beyond the “Jack and Jill” shower you may have heard of, which is just a ploy to get guys to help in the planning of such estrogen-intensive activity…

Shenlong

Chi is supposed to be part of everything that exists, a life force or spiritual energy, translated literally as “air” or “breath.” And Chi Bistro has certainly breathed new life into the old Las Margaritas space on Old South Gaylord. The Asian-influenced room, with its clean lines and minimalist design,…

The Melting Pot

When it comes to cooking, I have just one rule: Never fry bacon naked. Other than that, I’ve always done whatever works — but I might have to rethink things since my recent dinner at the Melting Pot, a fondue (translation: self-service) joint at 2707 West Main Street in Littleton…

Pumpkin Martini

The bar at Aix was intended more as a convivial place to wait for a table than a place where you’d hang out all night. Even so, I love to sit and sip in this lovely, calming space. And when I recently stopped by for a little boisson alcoolisée (that’s…

Buffalo Rose

With the election less than two weeks away, gas prices are mysteriously plummeting — with no real change in the factors that were blamed for driving them up several months ago. In fact, things are looking worse, what with that maniac in Korea making nukes so that he can take…

007 on Speed

My mother thinks I waste too much time hanging out in bars, but she doesn’t realize how much knowledge I gain by chatting up bartenders and resident barflies. At Cap City Tavern, for instance, I learned that if you put salt on your cocktail napkin, it will prevent the napkin…

Lime XS

There’s nothing like drinking when you’re already at a disadvantage. We recently hit Lime XS (730 East Sixth Avenue), the new, smaller iteration of Lime in Larimer Square, and after her first margarita, the saintly wife of the Redneck Liaison to the Institute of Drinking Studies remembered that she’d donated…

Blueberry Arnold Palmer

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers. Even that quote from Shakespeare wasn’t enough to drown out the long-winded lawyers (is that redundant?) sitting near me at the bar at Wyman’s No. 5, rehashing the case they had tried and won that day. After much self-congratulation, one…

Hillcrest Grill

We’ve all had those days when we just really want — and borderline physically need — a beer. This doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s been a bad day — although the beer-wanting feeling is very common after a day when your co-workers and/or boss make you want to stick a…

Chinaco Blanco Tequila

As I drove up, I was blown away by the recent changes along 32nd Avenue east of Zuni Street. While I’d been aware of all the gentrification further west, I couldn’t believe that this stretch — which a politically correct person would have described as “urban” three years ago –…

Pepsi Center

Waiting in line for tickets was one of the most worthwhile pastimes of my underage drinking years. But great seats (and drunks) weren’t the only objective: Camping out overnight was a social event. The culmination of this activity came in 1987, when we joined a couple hundred people outside of…

Shot of Shillelagh

Bring out the Irish Spring! As my date and I sat down at the bar at the Irish Snug, a guy next to me gave me a dirty look. “I’m sorry, was this seat taken?” I asked, and he mumbled something inaudible and walked to the door. That’s when his…