Plumbing the Broncos

You know it. I know it. Every figure skater in Moscow knows it. Eleven high school kids coached by their home-ec teacher could beat the lowly Cincinnati Bengals. So that 30-10 road win your Denver Broncos put on the books Sunday afternoon doesn’t mean a thing. The first real tests…

Letters to the Editor

The Myths of Meth Unsafe at any speed: I wanted to express my appreciation for David Holthouse’s and Alan Prendergast’s pieces on the two sides of the meth world in the September 4 Westword. I’d only take exception with the subhead of Holthouse’s “72-Hour Party People” “Meth: It’s not just…

72-Hour Party People

It comes wrapped in red foil and purple tissue, this intricate figurine molded in the form of a Japanese demon, with clawed feet, a mane of fire and a thick tongue jutting from a bloodthirsty smirk. Transparent, the size of a child’s fist, it looks like a tiny ice carving…

Toxic Shock

Randy Goin remembers his first visit to a methamphetamine lab six years ago. It was the beginning of a long and disturbing chemistry lesson. A Thornton narcotics detective assigned to the North Metro Drug Task Force, Goin didn’t know quite what to expect. He’d heard the horror stories about crazed…

Community Watch

Nothing instills fear in homeowners like threats to their quality of life and the possibility of declining property values. The fear is so palpable among residents living near a vacant lot at 84th Avenue and Simms Street that more than a hundred of them endured a community meeting two weeks…

Jazzercise

Donald Rossa thought the six adults crowded around a small table at Dazzle Restaurant and Lounge looked a little out of place. Unlike most of the patrons in his chic Lincoln Street club, they weren’t drinking, and they weren’t talking too much. Mostly, they were staring intently at the jazz…

Pop Quiz

1. According to the most recent batch of bee stings from the Colorado Department of Labor, the state has lost how many non-farm jobs since July 2002? A. A heck of a lot. B. More than you can shake a stick at. C. A ton. D. 15,100, give or take…

Off Limits

It’s a sad, sad day for Denver when our very own People magazine hunk is shoved aside for a new hottie. Animal Planet’s Emergency Vets is no longer filming episodes at Alameda East Veterinary Hospital, and standup comic/stand-out veterinarian Kevin Fitzgerald has been supplanted by Katrina Warren, who appears to…

The Message

Channel 4 news anchor Bill Stuart has spent a big chunk of his career competing directly against Ed Sardella, his opposite number at Channel 9 — and as Stuart concedes, his own squad’s fallen short more often than not. When asked if he feels as if Channel 9’s long-term ratings…

First Down

On a rainy Friday in late August, the Evergreen Cougars’ senior-level midget football team prepares for its final pre-season scrimmage. In eight days, the team is scheduled to open its season against the feared South Jeffco Gators, winners of last year’s coveted Carnation Bowl, and a feeling of uneasiness hangs…

Letters to the Editor

A Wrinkle in Rhyme Slam on wry: About three weeks ago I attended poetry night at the Mercury Cafe. In addition to hearing the flabbergasting triteness of the many solo poets, I had the displeasure of witnessing the so-called poetry slam team that Westword featured in “Poem on the Range,”…

See Jane Read

Jane Komperda is just learning to hear vowels and consonants in her head. She’s been paying close attention to the whisper and buzz certain letters make as they’re mouthed so that she can sound them out while reading. Until now, she’d never thought about how words beginning with the letter…

Night Court

Seventeen is not a banner year for female drivers. What with talking on the cell phone, filing nails, applying mascara and lighting a smoke, who has time to pay attention to the road? As if. So when a girl of that dangerous age approaches the courtroom pedestal on her third…

Pop Quiz

1. According to preliminary July unemployment figures, which county was the leader of Colorado’s unemployment pack: A. Kit Carson. B. Huerfano. C. La Plata. D. Douglas. 2. Is nowhere safe from West Nile? While the Denver Zoo recently reported several animal fatalities, the virus also hit the zoo last year…

Follow That Story

Members of the Denver Library Commission got an earful from Denver Public Library volunteers last week, when twenty of them showed up at a commission meeting to express their anger over the way they have been treated by library management. One former volunteer of the year, Rose Keating, was in…

Off Limits

Only Miss Cleo knows for sure, but John Denver’s latest reincarnation may be too saccharine even for him. The troubadour, who sang of Rocky Mountain highs and Grandma’s feather bed, inspired not only a hit posthumous musical, Almost Heaven: The Songs and Stories of John Denver (set to reappear at…

Model Driver

Danica Patrick sizes up her passenger through black wraparound shades and quickly lets him know who’s in charge: “All right. Buckle your belt.” One metallic click and twenty seconds later, we’re screaming down the long back straightaway of the Grand Prix of Denver road course at 110 miles an hour,…

The Message

“Life is taking things in stride,” says Jon Bowman. “And if nothing else, I think I’ve been able to do that over the years.” Talk about an understatement. Prior to his recent hiring as an on-air reporter by Channel 31, Bowman hadn’t held such a position since being handed his…

Letters to the Editor

No Nudes Is Good News A site for sore eyes: Excellent job by Eric Dexheimer on “A Model Prisoner,” in the August 14 issue. It’s so nice to read an objective story on this matter, one with some real data in it. After Jim Grady was first arrested, I managed…

Poem on the Range

It’s a sticky Friday night in Katie Wirsing’s cramped Capitol Hill walkup, and “Puff the Magic Dragon” is turning into a real pain in the ass. “You’ve got to keep it silly, silly,” says Ted Vaca, sipping Sierra Nevada as he sits on a gigantic inflatable couch, absentmindedly clicking the…

Stop, Thief!

Anything to do with water in Colorado has a way of creating awkward situations and odd bedfellows. Consider the typical Aurora resident who buys a lottery ticket. She’s happy that part of her dollar will be used to preserve open space and wilderness, but she probably has no idea that…

Pop Quiz

1. A newly elected member of Denver City Council asked that a certain meeting not be broadcast on the city’s public-access channel for what reason? A. Fear of profanity breaking out. B. Fear that citizens would see councilmembers eating free cinnamon rolls. C. Fear that word would leak of secret…