Does Anyone Want My MTV?

It’s become an easy joke, poking fun at MTV and what makes for the majority of its content. So easy, in fact, that Justin Timberlake can do it. “I challenge MTV right now,” he said, accepting the “Quadrulple Threat” award at the Video Music Awards Sunday night, “to play more…

Britney Bombs, September 10

Here’s a brief look at some of the items America is desperate to learn about today: General Petraeus The general leading the U.S. war effort in Iraq testifies before Congress, reporting that we may be able to withdraw 30,000 troops by next summer. At that rate we should be out…

Pickled Cabbage and New Phonebook Day

I’ve never gotten over my instinctive dislike of traditional holidays, and instead make up my own — personal, private mileposts on the calendar with their own rituals and rites of observation, celebrated mostly alone. One such holiday landed on the Thursday right before Labor Day weekend: New Phone Book Day…

Fake Fan: Broncomania for the Unaffected

For those poor souls that don’t care about football, the next five months are going to be excruciating. Broncomania is in full swing again. Everyone else is talking in a language you don’t understand. You feel left out, isolated – alienated, even. It’s okay, we’re here to help. Every week…

The Latest Supermax Threat: Elderly British Ladies

Wonders never cease at the highest-security supermax prison in the free world, the U.S. Penitentiary Administrative Maximum outside Florence. This week, for the first time in more than five years, journalists will be allowed inside the place. And a 69-year-old woman visiting from Great Britain, whose visit with a notorious…

Busting Out of the Revolving Door

When Casey Holden hit the streets last January, fresh from four years of solitary confinement and an adult life spent almost entirely behind bars, the odds of him going anywhere but right back to the Colorado prison system were extra-heavy. Sam-Adams-before-NFL-training-camp kind of heavy. How’s a 26-year-old ex-con with an…

More Internet Enhanced Cartoonery

As noted in this recent More Messages blog, I’ve received plenty of tips about great websites devoted to newspaper cartoons since the publication of a column about the general unfunniness of today’s funnies. Another one worthy of a visit is a feature Westword contributor Cory Casciato mentioned in a comment…

A Real Kick

When I wrote about Glendale going from titty city to rugby town last year, plans for the 5,000-seat rugby stadium and adjacent rec center were still in the design phase. After adopting rugby as the city’s official sport, Glendale was going to spend $20 million to build the first municipally-owned…

Judge Kuenhold’s Harmless Errors

The Colorado Judicial Branch has named its Outstanding Judicial Officer of the Year: District Judge O. John Kuenhold of Alamosa. Lots of people think highly of Kuenhold, who’s been on the bench since 1981 and chief judge of his district since 2004. He’s worked long and hard on issues ranging…

Something’s Less Rotten in the State of Television

You used to be able to count on TV serving all your lowest-common-denominator needs. Up for some good transgender slap-fighting? Jerry Springer has you covered. Hankering for some good cornpone jokes and T&A? Hee-Haw was on for more than twenty years. Want to see someone forced to eat something disgusting?…

Yappers’ Delight: Centennial Man Suffers From “Popcorn Lung”

You’d think that a person who ate two — sometimes three — bags of buttered popcorn a day would suffer from clogged arteries. But Centennial sofa salesman Wayne Watson became ill with “popcorn lung,” a rare disease that typically affects people working in popcorn factories. Watson lost half his lung…

Cartoons Improved on the Web

Since the publication of the September 6 More Messages column, in which I read all of the comics in the Rocky Mountain News and the Denver Post for two weeks to discover what I have (and haven’t) been missing, I’ve received plenty of e-mails, pro and con, from fans of…

Popcorn Lung, September 6

Here’s a brief look at some of the items America is desperate to learn about today: iPhone rebate In conjunction with the just-announced $200 price drop on the iPhone, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced a $100 rebate for people that picked one up in the short time it was available…

Tomb of the Frontier King?

This faux-log-cabin tomb is found in Denver’s Riverside Cemetery. It makes you wonder what Davy Crockett’s grave looks like – hopefully he’s as well taken care of as Mr. Drake here. This picture was taken by Eric Purkalitis in October of 2005. He has a bunch more of the same…

Airborne Resentment

The new fly-in community just east of Parker has drawn plenty of ire from neighbors worried about planes crashing into their homes — see last week’s “Up in the Air.” While much of the anger has been focused on the developer, Pete Vinton, the neighbors also petitioned county leaders to…

Asante Day

As my friend who told me about the event noted, were it not for the neatly manicured grass in Del Mar Park this past Saturday, you wouldn’t have been able to tell you weren’t in Ghana. Because, while everyone else in the city was busy greeting September with college football,…

In for Life: Day Twelve of the Michael Tate Trial

On the twelfth day of Michael Tate’s murder trial, the final day of testimony, he told the judge that he would not be taking the stand in his not guilty by reason of insanity defense. “No ma’am” he said to the judge in a flat, monotone voice that sounded surprisingly…

A Run for the Border

Shoenberg Farm 7255 Sheridan Boulevard, Westminster 5:11 a.m. An hour before dawn, a lunar eclipse suddenly darkens the sky, leaving only the glow of neon signs from convenience stores and fast-food outlets and the never-ending stream of headlights along Sheridan. But back behind the brick silo, it’s dark and quiet,…

Tag the Fag

Growing up, we often played a game called Smear the Queer. I am not proud of this fact, but it is a part of my childhood that I cannot deny. The game was simple. All you needed was a ball of any shape or size. It was thrown into the…

The Funnies Aren’t Anymore

Not long ago, I was a zealous reader of daily newspaper comics, devouring at least a dozen strips per day, more when I had the time. But somewhere along the line, that number began to dwindle, with my enthusiasm waning each time favorites such as Gary Larson (“The Far Side”),…

No Conspiracies, Just Memories at DIA

Next week marks the sixth anniversary of 9/11, the day when America realized that terrorists could strike here — and that from now on, there would be a never-ending demand for quart-sized plastic bags at the airport. There were other, more serious ramifications, of course, as shown in September 11,…