GOP of the Heap Petty is as petty does: What a pathetic potshot! Trashing our elected officials seems to be the prevalent summer sport, but Kenny Be’s July 1 “Single and the City” portrayal of our governor as a leering, pipe-smoking, cravat-wearing, Hugh Hefneresque letch — when Owens is dealing…
Friend, are you tired of living in a crackerbox? Do you dream of a mansion on a hill? Does that dream include stately stone turrets, wraparound porches, vaulted ceilings, a home theater, and a family room the size of an airplane hangar, suitable for the toddling heirs to your estate?…
The only good thing I have to say about the Broomfield Police Department is that it has a nice jail. In fact, it is by far the nicest jail Ive ever spent four or five hours in while waiting to get bailed out — and thats saying a lot. The…
On July 1, 2004, the District Attorney for Adams and Broomfield Counties, announced that no charges would be filed against David Holthouse and Nelson Guanipa arising out of a series of events that culminated on May 29, 2004. Holthouse, a staff writer for the Westword newspaper, had written an article,…
Harry Elder isn’t the only local builder of luxury houses who’s battled creditors, lienholders and foreclosure actions — and yet manages to live in a million-dollar-plus home he doesn’t own. Paul Lambert, the president of Dorian Homes, has gone to extraordinary lengths to hold on to his dream house, even…
In four performances in early June, the cast and crew of North High School’s Zoot Suit Riots reprised their show for those who missed it the first time around or couldn’t get enough of playwright Luis Valdez’s pachuquismo-packed script (“The Next Stage,” April 22). And while the curtain has now…
Denver just can’t handle a good, hard tongue-licking. Unlike such hot spots as New York, Toronto and Atlanta, which are celebrating decades of Kiss expos, this city has canceled its second attempt to host such an event in as many years. “With a total of seven tickets sold and no…
As the rest of us adapt to a relatively new century, Da Boogieman is holding tight to the previous one. When Boog, who prefers to keep his given name under wraps, started in radio during the late ’70s, he spun the black circle — generally seven-inch 45s, but occasionally twelve-inch…
Rulon Gardner, the playful Wyoming giant who pulled off the biggest upset of the 2000 Sydney Olympics, will be leaving the U.S. Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs for Athens next month, hoping to win a second gold medal in Greco-Roman wrestling. The Greeks might do better to station Rulon…
Ministry of Funny Talks Terms of endearment: Regarding Michael Roberts’s “Obscene and not heard” item in the June 24 Message: Rather than “President” Elizabeth Hoffman,” why not use the Chaucerian, endearing “Grande C—” Hoffman? Chancellor Byyny could be the endearing “Underc— ” Byyny. Olde English would be appropriate, because I…
To borrow some logic from members of the dearly departed and much-loved Five Iron Frenzy, welcome to our newest Westword Music Showcase ever! Each year we blather on about how “this year’s event is bigger and better than ever,” and while historically it’s always been true — since the Showcase…
The footfalls of a stranger in a distant hallway cause Marilyn Van Derbur, Miss America 1958, to spring from a cozy chair in her living room like a cat shot with a rubber band. “I’m just so uncomfortable having anyone I can’t see walk through the house,” she says, rushing…
“The hippies with their drug-fried synapses and political lobotomies give the town the distinctive tone that we locals have a phrase to describe,” writes on-again-off-again local Stephen Coonts in his travel memoir The Cannibal Queen. “When you see something really screwy or kinky, you say how ‘very Boulder’ that is.”…
APB! There’s a thief on the loose, last seen in the vicinity of Fourth Avenue and Broadway. According to artist Andy Brzeczek, a girl named Angela made a clean getaway with his glue gun a month ago. And he wants it back — so badly that he’s slapped up fliers…
David Harsanyi, the new, officially designated conservative metro columnist for the Denver Post, thought he was being funny. “They Want Wolves in Colorado?,” Harsanyi’s June 14 offering, dealt with gray wolves, an endangered species that’s recently been reintroduced to the environment in states such as Montana, Idaho and Wyoming. The…
If you’re lucky in this life, you’ll experience that magical moment when you fall in with a group of people whose core beliefs are so compatible with your own that you immediately know you have arrived home. “Well well…fellow chipmonk gruge holders,” wrote Sassy Rebel42, an Oklahoma gardener, on my…
Loathe ’em and Leave ’em Taco the town: I just want to thank you for your newspaper. I look forward to reading it at lunch every week. I love seeing Denver called “Mootown.” I love seeing the “white suburbs” being trashed. I love hearing George Bush and Republicans being blamed…
People say you make your own luck. That seems to apply to bad luck, too, and Curtis Franks has made more than his share. His mother, Jamie, believes that her son’s losing streak began when his father left home, in 1990. Curtis was ten at the time; he started doing…
Duane “Dog” Chapman, the bounty hunter who nabbed Max Factor heir and fugitive rapist Andrew Luster in Mexico last June, was back in town last Wednesday, sitting in Casa del Rey, a Mexican joint in Commerce City, and enjoying his next fifteen minutes of fame. The besieged waitstaff had no…
If change is good, then things are wonderful at Channel 9. During the just-completed May sweeps ratings period, the station retained its news lead in most major time slots even though key personnel continue to come and go like J.Lo fiancés. The station acknowledged three significant switches on the air…
When Jerry Robertson was twelve, thirteen years old, he used to climb into his Uncle Bob’s stock car at the old Englewood Speedway, hoping to get his future in gear but quick. “Lemme hot-lap the car,” the towheaded kid would plead. Every time, Uncle Bob just grinned and shot a…
The Gang’s All Here Street smarts: Wow. I just finished reading Laura Bond’s “Street Wise” article about Robert Duran in the June 3 issue of Westword. The story of this young man was incredible — how he got out of his situation and is now working on his doctorate. It’s…
