Dear Mexican: This is going to sound absolutely and totally Caucasian. Lately we have been trying to lighten the mood around the office with delicate bits of international confections. With all that’s going on in the world, who needs one more worry? With that said, though, we are struck with…
Dear Readers: Your faithful Mexican is busy putting the final touches on his coming magnum opus, Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America (out April 2012) and is thus at the rancho, getting handmade tortillas made by his chica in pigtails while he works on rewrites. But instead of a…
Dear Mexican: Here is my problem: I was raised in a typical gabacho family. My siblings and I all enjoyed a typical gabacho relationship. We are close as cats. I phoned my brother year before last, and was gratified to learn that he was still alive. That call went so…
Dear Mexican: A few years back, when I was in high school, my social studies teacher and the leader of our high school M.E.Ch.A. club had deep resentment toward the Spaniards/conquistadors who killed hundreds — probably thousands — of Aztecs. He went so far as to deny that his own…
Dear Mexican: A few years ago, my girlfriend and I visited the beautiful city of Merida in the Yucatán. We were surprised to see a sentence in our guidebook warning us to be on the lookout for Mennonites peddling queso in the mercado. Sure enough, we bumped into a bearded,…
Dear Ask a Wetback: You and your fellow law-breaking wetbacks don’t like Arizona’s SB 1070? Too damn bad. Trot back to Make Sick O and protest there, see where it gets you. If you’d work half as hard cleaning up your dump nation as you do sneaking in here, your…
Dear Mexican: Say the immigrant makes a few bucks and goes back to his/her home town. Think they’ll put up with the shit that prompted them to move in the first place? (How ya gonna keep them down on the farm…). Putting the Red Into Redneck Dear Gabacho: Absolutely not…
Dear Readers: Ever since the Mexican national soccer team thrashed the American side 4-2 in last month’s Gold Cup final, Know Nothings have railed about how Mexis in the U.S. root for El Tri against the norteamericanos. They’ve invaded the Mexican’s mailbox with preguntas sobre fútbol, so rather than answer…
Dear Mexican: Just suppose that all of the southwestern United States had remained in Mexican hands. Would the Mexicans have done any better with it than they have with the present confines of Mexico? Reversible Reconquista? Dear Gabacho: The gran parlor game! If we turned back the clock and changed…
Dear Mexican: I’m wondering how Mexicans feel about the communities of American expats springing up all over Mexico (especially those who live near or in these communities)? Also, are there places in Mexico where it doesn’t get so hot that Americans are generally pretty comfortable year ’round? Could you name…
Dear Mexican: I’m a white girl dating a Mexican from Jalisco who works for my dad. There lies the problem. Dad absolutely dislikes him and totally opposes me dating Ignacio and has been almost rude to him, which I don’t like. Some details now: I often visit Dad at his…
Dear Mexican: There are many who give lip service to border security. You may or may not be one of them. You may be an open-borders advocate. But for the moment, put on your secure-borders hat and tell us how you would secure the borders if your job depended on…
Dear Mexican: I’m new to the San Antonio area and am enjoying exploring the many wonderful aspects of its history and culture. One thing has become incredibly bothersome to me, though: the plight of pet overpopulation. With so many resources available for spay/neuter assistance, I’m not certain why this continues…
Dear Mexican: I’m a Spanish court interpreter in Santa Bárbara, California; I’ve also worked in Los Angeles courts. I just read your column regarding the promotion of the learning and practicing of English by Latinos in the United States. Generally, I agree with your view. But my question is, why…
Dear Mexican: What happened to my friend? She is white (Irish — her only aunt was a Catholic nun!), she grew up in Pico Rivera (so most people think she is Mexican with green eyes), she is converting to Judaism, and guess what? All she meets are Mexicans! And all…
Dear Mexican: I can’t help thinking of Mexico as a Tea Party paradise. Mexican taxes are very low. There are few regulations, and environmentalists, socialists and liberals are few and far between. There is no Obamacare, and Mexico is the home of Carlos Slim, the world’s richest man, a tribute…
Dear Mexican: Please settle a dispute. I’m an Anglo living and working in Mexico for years, in Culiacán, Sinaloa (I married one of the famous Sinaloa beauties). My Spanish is passable, and I live and function in Spanish. Where I live, there are virtually no other North Americans, other than…
Dear Mexican: Why does every Mexican rap/hip-hop song always contain the lyrics “No paramos,” “Nunca paramos,” or some other logically equivalent statement (e.g., “Siempre avanzaremos,” “No acabaremos de seguir,” etc.)? Can’t you people be more original? I mean, come on! It’s not like you all speak a language that makes…
Dear Mexican: You seem like a smart guy, and your input regarding an ethnic phenomenon I’ve observed would be of interest. I live in a tiny, gated neighborhood that I would describe as solidly middle- to upper middle-class. On each side of me live Vietnamese small-business owners whose kids attend…
Dear Mexican: I grant you a magic wand; now, tell me, how do we right the wrongs of Sam Houston and Manifest Destiny? Is it to correct his legacy and call out the crimes and recognize the victims? Or should the land be given back? What is it, my fellow…
Dear Mexican: I’m a blanquita, and I’ve recently begun dating a CALIENTE mexicano. I adore this man. The first time we were intimate, I noticed that his necklace (which I had always assumed to be a rosary) was a name necklace…a WOMAN’S name necklace. He says that his mami gave…
Dear Readers: Rather than me punking ustedes with a prank for April Fools’ Day, I give you the cruelest joke of all — ex-congressman and eternal Know Nothing Tom Tancredo! In return for his graciously allowing us to debate in Denver last year, I’ve allowed him to answer two questions…
