Dear Readers: ¡VIVA MÉXICO, CABRONES! Happy 200th cumpleaños to America’s favorite country, to the land of pretty señoritas and eternal economic crises, to the world’s greatest, drunkest bola de hijos de la chingada! When you celebrate on September 16, drive safe. And guys: Remember to wear a helmet before going…
Dear Mexican: I’m a naturalized citizen born in Ciudad Juárez (the most dangerous city in the world, thanks to the drug cartels), but I work for la migra. I get a lot of shit from some of my family members because they feel I shouldn’t be doing this job. I…
Dear Mexican: Oye, I’m a Mexican con un pie aquí y un pie allá, and I have to admit that it is difficult to be a Mexican these days. I’d like to make the argument that it is one of the worst times ever to be a Mexican. I even…
Dear Readers: As you read this, my trusty burro, pigtailed chica and I are crisscrossing Aztlán researching Mexican food. So now is as bueno as any time to do some housecleaning for the columna. Hay que start with a letter from the Mexican’s longtime amigo, William Lobdell. For years one…
Dear Mexican: As a proud New Yorker, I gotta ask: What the FUCK is up with Mexican food in this city? Sure, we’re used to getting owned by California and Texas and even Chicago when it comes to getting kick-ass, cheap, regional Mexican food. But I just got back from…
Dear Mexican: I am a retired gringa living in Mazatlán, Sinaloa. Most of us foreigners here are liberal and sympathetic to the immigration problem, which the U.S. Congress refuses to address in a meaningful way. Unfortunately, I get lots of e-mails from acquaintances “apprising” me of the horrible situation in…
Dear Mexican: As an old gringo who calls himself a gringo (not a gabacho), I study Mexican culture and ask myself, “Where have I seen this before?” The answer invariably is: 1950s America, that’s where. Current Mexican culture in the U.S. is about fifty years behind current American culture. Back…
Dear Mexican: I heard Mormonism is a quickly spreading religion down in ye olde Mexico. What is it about this religion that a lot of Mexicans find so fascinating? Jack Mormón Dear Gabacho: Historically? Mexico has long had the second-largest community of Mormons in the world after the United States;…
Dear Mexican: Most Mexicans I know (myself included) feel it’s a terrible disrespect to keep old photos around of you and your ex, and vice versa. I’d never keep pictures of me and an ex around to try and push my new/current boyfriend’s buttons; I guess I feel it’s a…
Dear Mexican: I’m a (poor) white girl myself, but I have to ask: What’s the deal with all the rich white girls playing such a big role in Fiesta? Why is it always rich white girls that get crowned? Don’t you think the majority of them should be Mexican girls…
Dear Readers: The Arizona pendejas have emboldened hundreds of Know Nothings in the past week to boast to the Mexican that they’re not racist if they support SB1070 because, according to them, they believe in the law and they have no problems with immigrants as long as they’re legal. Nosotros…
Dear Mexican: Why do the Mexicans HATE American soccer and “hate” (bolded, underlined and italicized) Landon Donovan? Uncle Sam’s Army Brat Dear Gabacho: Because Mexicans hate Americans — DUH! Geez, this is the literary equivalent of taking a penalty kick at this year’s FIFA World Cup with no goaltender, but…
Dear Mexican: I’m a civil-rights lawyer. I sue the San Diego Minutemen. Whenever the Minutemen are accused of being racist, they always say something like “I’m part Hispanic,” or they’ll note that some of their members are Mexican. This last claim is actually true. Some of the most zealous Minutemen are actually Mexican-Americans. I’m…
Dear Mexican: During the late 1960s, I worked a summer job in southern Arizona, where most of my co-workers were Mexicans from the state of Sonora. Their favorite expression when something was broken was no vale verga, literally “not worth dick,” but actually meaning “totally fucked up.” What happened with…
Dear Mexican: I work at a high school where there are a significant number of students without papers. Two students I’d worked with for four years (one from Mexico, the other from Paraguay) graduated last June, and they are now attending community college. They have both read your books. My…
Dear Mexican: I have a sister. I read your column each time it comes out in the Tucson Weekly. Once, we were talking about all the hatred against Mexicans in our state, and my sister said, “Sis, why do they hate Mexicans so much in Arizona? Why do they hate…
Dear Readers: Over the past couple of weeks, the Know Nothing nation has invaded my in-box, asking why the United States can’t follow the stringent immigration laws of Mexico. They’re merely parroting a recent column by the reprehensible Michelle Malkin, who thought that bringing up the issue was an original…
Dear Readers: I was supposed to deliver this column to ustedes for Cinco de Drinko, but then Arizona’s reprehensible SB1070 reared its ugly head. I could devote this column to that issue again, but Mexican-hating is a national sport, and we must darle chingazos wherever it pops out. Big shout-outs,…
Dear Readers: All together, now: ¡A LA CHINGADA WITH ARIZONA’S SB1070! For those of ustedes too occupied with your Drinko por Cinco hangover, the initiative I mentioned (signed a couple of weeks ago into law by Arizona’s governor) gives immigration powers to the state’s police officers and sheriff’s deputies and…
Dear Mexican: I live in a Northeastern city, and a game I play with myself during the cold, wintry months is counting how many Mexicans I see without a heavy coat or appropriate outer garment. Believe me, I’m not prejudiced (I, too, am a minority, and this game is lightweight…
Dear Mexican: I have a friend who frequently wears a T-shirt that boldly states in big, bad-ass, Old English letters, “Hecho en México.” Five facts follow: • He was born 23 years ago in the United States, in Bellflower, California • His truly Mexican parents were nowhere near Mexico when…
Dear Mexican: I’ve dated a few Mexican girls in the last couple of years, and I’ve come to realize one big, important thing: Most of the girls didn’t know how to cook, clean and, you know…bring that ol’-school Mexican flavor from the roots! What’s happening to all our true mexicanas?…
