Dear Mexican: How come there are a bunch of fair-skinned, European-looking guys running Mexico? When I am in Mexico, I see them having power lunches in fine restaurants, driving Beemers and escorting absolutely breathtaking women with long legs and high cheekbones around town. Who are these guys? How can I…
Gentle cabrones: My much-promised Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America, has finally hit bookstores! Place your order with your favorite local bookstore, your finer online retailers, your craftier piratas, but place it: My libro editor has already promised to deport me from the publishing industry if we don’t sell…
Dear Mexican: Why do Hispanics deny that George Zimmerman is Hispanic? He did nothing wrong and has been crucified in the media. La Raza cannot bow down to the race-baiters and race traitors who call themselves African-American leaders! Brown and Down Dear Wab: This column is ¡Ask a Mexican!, not…
Dear Readers: Talk about a lazy Mexican. Nearly four years after promising ustedes that I was going to write a book about the history of Mexican food in the United States, my Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America is getting released on April 10. Three hundred-plus pages of astounding…
Dear Mexican: Stop using Spanish in your column. I like reading your column, but when every other word is in Spanish, I don’t know what the hell is going on. It makes you sound like that nerdy kid who uses big words to try and sound impressive. Don’t be lazy, and…
Dear Mexican: I was born in Los Estados Unidos, my father is from Tamaulipas, and my mother is a third-generation Chicana. I’m married to a Mexicano, and we recently vacationed in his home town of Apatzingan, Michoacán. It was my first time meeting my in-laws and everyone from his colonia…
Dear Mexican: I work for a major news organization and often have heard the figure of 10 million illegal Mexicans. Unofficially, I have been quoted the number 20 to 25 million illegals, most of them not Mexican. From experience with the government, I would say these numbers are low. Why…
Dear Mexican: I’m so perplexed by my Mexican neighbor. For one, he already has four girls, and I just saw his wife, and it looks like she’s pregnant AGAIN! What really bothers me is that I live in an affordable-housing unit. The rent is cheap and based on our income…
Dear Mexican: Aunqué soy Boricua, mi corazón está al lado del pueblo mejicano, aquí en Arizona. ¿Porqué no hablas contra “La Bruja Mala del Oeste,” Gobernadora Jan Brewer; “El Leon Cobarde,” Ex-Senador Russell Pearce; “El Hombre Hecho de Lata,” Alguacil del Condado Maricopa Joe Arpaio; “El Hombre Hecho de Paja,” Abogado…
Dear Mexican: I’ve tried and failed to learn the Spanish language for the last two years. During high school and college, I took both Spanish I and Spanish II, but nothing really stuck with me. Last year, I visited a Spanish-speaking church to help immerse myself in the language, but…
Dear Mexican: This question was inspired by the recent video you did on the Republicanos and the Latina/o vote. What’s your opinion of Cuban-American and Tea Party cariñito Marco Rubio? All this talk about him being the “Hispanic” savior of the Republican Party by being the vice-presidential nominee is getting…
Dear Mexican: Six generations of my family have been born and raised in Brownsville, Texas. Everyone speaks Spanish most of the time. Right now, almost every Republican in the state is trying to get redistricting to the finish line to cut out the bumper crop of Mexican-American candidates from coming…
Dear Mexican: My cousin put a picture on Facebook that said, “I will not be forced to learn a foreign language to accommodate illegals in my country.” He’s Mexican-American. Our family is from La Luz, Zacatecas, and its surrounding villages. His dad (my uncle) was born here in El Paso,…
Dear Mexican: It’s so sad to see your wimpy answers. Your replies scream self-hatred and self-shame for your raza. You’re pathetic! No plan or desire to fix Mexico’s problems. You’re a puto with no huevos. My DREAM Act would be that you Mexicans would stop groveling to gringos, and scream…
Dear Readers: I usually save reruns of my columna for when I have to smuggle in the latest cousin from the rancho, but given the ascendancy of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, one issue must be addressed — namely, that he’s half-Mexican. The lamestream media is treating this as a…
Dear Mexican: How come Mexicans don’t perform in the Winter Olympics? What, no talent? Or are Mexicans afraid of snow? I’m thinking both. Also, Mexicans don’t do too well in the Summer Olympics, either — they even suck in soccer. There is plenty of snow in Mexico, so don’t use…
Dear Mexican: In my home town of Playa Larga (Long Beach, California), natives refer to a major avenida in our villa, Junipero Avenue (named for Father Junípero Serra, accused native genocider, a candidate for sainthood — but I digress), as Juan-a-pear-o. There is no “Juan” in Junipero, but that’s how…
Dear Readers: Here’s a look back at some of the best questions of the year. Dear Mexican: Thirteen years old, and I’m jacking off, not knowing I left the bathroom door ajar. Just as I blasted onto the shower curtain, my mom walked in. Aghast, she shouted, “¡Cochino, te vas…
Dear Readers: In between your fifteenth tamale and sixth spiked cup of ponche, you’re going to have to buy regalos for Christmas or whatever pinche holiday you celebrate. Okay, you don’t have to, but you should, to support all those great indie businesses suffering during this Great Recession. Behold, then,…
Dear Mexican: This is the second rant I’ve felt I had to send to you. I don’t know if readers are allowed “seconds,” but here it goes. Much has been said about the terrible things happening to the United States and its citizens by the Mexican drug cartels. But what’s…
Dear Mexican: I read in your book that Mexico is due for a revolution about every hundred years or so. The last one was in the first part of the twentieth century, and you said they are about ready for another one. Do you think the drug war presently being…
Dear Mexican: Having been called a “gabacho” by “Mexicans” much lighter than I and “wetback” by those whose parents (or who themselves) crossed several rivers as they migrated to California, I’m curious as to which group you believe I should hold in the greatest disdain. While Anglo wetbacks are much…
