Today only: Half-price cheesecake from the factory of the same name

So, you know that old cliche, “If you can’t say something nice about someone, then shut the fuck up”? I’m going to follow that advice here and just spell it out: Folks, today is National Cheesecake Day, and in honor of the high-calorie, right-to-your-butt occasion, the Cheesecake Factory is offering half-price slices of its  thirty different cheesecakes all day long, while simultaneously introducing the national chain of gluttony’s newest flavor — Stefanie’s Ultimate Red Velvet Cheesecake.

If I was taking advantage of this generous offer (not a cheesecake’s chance in hell), I’d definitely order a slice of the red velvet cheesecake, because over the next twelve months, the Factory is donating 25 cents for every slice sold to Feeding America, the country’s largest domestic hunger relief charity.