Dear Stoner: I’m currently sitting here with a gram of wax and nothing to smoke it out of. I have a regular bong, but not extra cash for a dab attachment. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Cursed to sober

Dear Cursed: Ouch. I won’t waste time making fun of you for trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I’m sure you didn’t intend to end up here, but your options are pretty limited if a regular bong is the only piece you have. If you have even the smallest amount of flower available, pack it all into a bowl and put a fat garnish of wax on that sucker before lightly ripping it into oblivion. Even vaped weed or tobacco would work if you’re really desperate – you just need something smokeable for the wax to sit on while it burns.

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Don't worry about spotting your designated hash knives after using them. They'll never look the same again.

Wikipedia user Rperrin1

So go back in time with some good old-fashioned knife hits. Just take two butter knives and put them inside a stove ring, and then heat the stove. Drop the piece of hash between the knives and quickly press them together and inhale. Use the top of a bottle to funnel the smoke in if necessary. Another old-school tactic is sticking a needle straight up in a cork, sticking a glob of hash on top of it and lighting it until it smolders. Then put a drinking glass over the needle and inhale the smoke with a straw after it collects.

Have a question for our Stoner? E-mail marijuana@westword.com or call the potline at 303­-293-­2222.

• Marijuana