Audio By Carbonatix
The morning after election day, the author R.L. Stine tweeted, “I’m so glad I live in New York City and not in the United States.” It’s a sentiment we appreciate except for one thing: We’d much rather live in Denver than either New York City or the United States.
During the daily hustle and bustle (especially this time of year), we sometimes forget to stop and think about how lucky we are to call the Mile High City home. So we asked Westword staffers to tell us what they love most about D-town. Our top fifty is below. Bet the list will put a smile on Denverties — and fill the rest of you with envy. But you can always visit…
50. What other city has a blue, badass horse of the apocalypse greeting people at the airport…
49. …Which just happens to have inspired conspiracy theories even the-world-is-going-to-end-in-2012 believers probably think are twisted?
48. Dive bars galore.
47. Even terrorists who live here would rather attack somewhere else…
46. We’re only a short drive away from historic gambling towns — where you can still gamble.
45. The town hero isn’t ready to let the football team go down without a fight.
44. There are plenty of attractive, available people who are fit enough to do anything you can imagine — if you’re consenting adults, that is.
43. The shit-stompin’ National Western Stock Show and Rodeo!
42. Pimped-out pedicabs!
41. If Lindsay Lohan violates her parole, we know it before anyone.
40. Every day is like the Great American Beer Festival.
39. Home of Tom Cat condoms.
38. A two-time Stanley Cup winning hockey team with the greatest fight-calling announcer in the world.
37. Yes, the Soviets and Cubans did invade our fair state in Red Dawn, but our full-blooded American asses beat those Commies back. Wolverines!
36. We’re consistently ranked among the country’s smartest cities — which you would have known if you lived here.
35. We invited the whole country to town in 2008 — and everybody got along!
34. You can secretly (but no-so-secretly) smoke cigarettes with a beer in your hand in some of our many fine downtown bars. We’re not saying which ones, because we enjoy smoking there.
33. Our roller-derby girls are the best in the country…
32. …And so is our pro soccer team.
31. The Denver Art Museum is striking enough to deserve an exhibit in the Denver Art Museum.
30. The main branch of the Denver Public Library is just as jaw-dropping — a technically advanced facility that’s great for genealogical study, western-history research and watching homeless guys check their Twitter account.
29. Armies of bicycle-riding hipsters who mean business.
28. …And if you don’t have a bike, you can rent one just about anywhere.
27. A mascot who really is super!
26. Nightspots that Jack Kerouac visited when he wasn’t on the road.
25. The 16th Street Mall, where there’s still such a thing as a free ride.
24. Casa Bonita, the weirdest Mexican restaurant on the planet.
23. Santa Fe Art Walk and other First Friday events, where you can see pirates, belly dancers, street musicians and museum-quality pieces all in one night.
22. Food truck parties in parking lots!
21. One of the best record stores in existence is steps away from one of the best book stores in existence.
20. Extremely zombie friendly.
19. We don’t need Project Runway to tell us the city’s fashion-forward.
18. Players on our NBA team have the most ridiculous tattoos in the league — in a good way!
17. We have a friggin’ amusement park snuggled up to downtown, with one of the trippiest Ferris-wheel light displays you’ll ever see.
16. Historic architecture doesn’t begin and end with the Molly Brown House.
15. We’re raised breakfast burritos to an art form.
14. Rockpile tickets at Coors Field are still only $4 — and they provide a great view of baseballs flying out of the yard.
13. People may argue about how many days of sunshine we have — but there are hundreds of them.
12. The buffalo still roam here — and we’re not talking about CU players.
11. The saggy-boob electric penis sculpture.
10. The Denver Film Festival — an event so amazing that some people would cut off their arm to host a screening.
9. It’s the land of green chile.
8. The highest paid athlete in town is the kind of guy who would grow a mullet for charity.
7. Our homegrown fast food chains — like this one and this one — kick the competition in the buns (and the tortillas).
6. A local music community that’s the rival of any better-known scene in the U.S. of A.
5. We can ski in June and sunbathe in January — not to mention doing both at the same time.
4. Our oysters are manlier than anyone else’s oysters.
3. Red Rocks at sunset — or during a great concert — or pretty much anytime.
2. Being a bartender or a brewpub owner is considered qualification for major public office.
1. There’s more than one way of getting rocky mountain high.
More from our Westword archives: “Best of Denver 2010.”
