Strange But True

An Open Letter to "The Guy That Grabbed My A$$"

The date on your phone says it's 2015 — but there are plenty of men out there who continue to lag a century or more behind the times.

A prime example: The antagonist of the following post, shared on Boulder Craigslist, who casually pawed a woman's backside at a local nightclub while she was dancing with her brother, then acted surprised when she objected.

We suspect that her description of the incident and her response to it — it's entitled "To the Guy That Grabbed My Ass" — will ring true to anyone who's encountered one of the Neanderthals who continue to walk the earth.

Here's her story.
To The Guy That Grabbed My Ass

I had such a great time just a few nights ago when my brother and sister came to visit me and we all went out together.

We stopped into a small club for a drink and managed to drag my brother onto the dance floor along with half a zillion other people.

At one point you walked by me and completely grabbed my ass out of nowhere. I turned around quickly and saw you. Then I lost it.

You may not realize it, but you're not the first guy who has done this to me. But you're the first one I caught, and you caught my full anger for every instance this has happened.

I leaned in quick and shoved you so hard without even thinking. You feel forward a few steps and then said "Fuck you!" in your embarrassment.

I got even more mad that you insulted me and said "No, FUCK YOU" right back and found a bouncer.

I told him what happened and he began to talk you into leaving. You looked around all surprised like you were a fucking victim and started to tell him what I said was bullshit.

I don't know what happened at that point. I lost it. Maybe it was your horrible treatment of me as a whole person, reducing me to a quick grab for your enjoyment. Maybe it was your complete denial or your behavior. Maybe it was the number of times this has happened before, or a combination.

But I was ready to kill you. I've never ever in my entire life gotten in anyone's face the way I did with you at that moment. I was completely unleashed. And I don't even drink. It was just pure anger.

I tell you this asshole. You are lucky you got thrown out and are even luckier I did not call the cops on you. Luckier still I did not tell my brother and his friends until you were gone.

Be notified. I will not take this shit from you or anyone ever again. Shoving you felt so good. Protecting myself and standing up for myself felt so good.

So be on alert fuckhead. If you grab, I will stab. And FUCK YOU.

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts