Dear Mexican: The other day, my Italian boyfriend asked me, "If you had the choice to be any nationality in the world, which one would you choose?" Being the proud Latina that I am, I said, "Mexican." He said, "Why? What have Mexicans done that is so great?" The only thing I could think of was Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera. Please help me come up with reasons that I should be proud to be a Mexican.
Smitten With Salami
Dear Wabette: Since it's the holidays and the Mexican is in a giving spirit, gracias to all the tamales de rajas con queso in his panza, I will be kind contigo. While you say you're proud of being Latina, you also say you have little clue as to why you should feel this way, so it's obvious you're a pocha (an assimilated Mexican, for those who aren't regular readers). See last week's column to find books that will make you proud to be a mexicana, then go hang out with undocumented students, whose courage and drive will shut that Italian pendejo up. Finally, salami folds easily under pressure, while chorizo stays firm in a torta or a taco — just sayin'.
Dear Mexican: What is the deal with the old guy in the bumblebee suit? They make fun of him on The Simpsons and I laugh, but I don't know why. Some version of Bumblebee Guy, usually some old fella cracking jokes, is always buzzing into a show. Please enlighten.
Muchacho Blanco Estúpido
Dear Stupid Gabacho Boy: The name of the character was El Chapulín Colorado — The Red Grasshopper. He was played by Roberto Gómez Bolaños, the legendary Mexican comic who went by the nickname Chespirito ("Little Shakespeare") and died last month. Don't you have my book, where I explain all of this? Oh, wait: Christmas charity.... If you can prove that you sent me this question (which no doubt has lingered in the ¡Ask a Mexican! stacks all these years), I'll send you an autographed copy of my book. See, folks? This is why you should read my columna: You never know when I might be borracho enough to start giving out stuff — like a sneak preview of Fox's new show Bordertown! Details to come...
HAPPY 2015! I want to thank ustedes for another year of questions, rants, love and hate. Ustedes will read a Best Of edition next week, with a new level of desmadre for the año Nuevo. Gracias — and don't drink and drive! All the Mexican wants for Christmas is for ustedes to follow his social-media accounts and read his columna online and in print. Don't let alt-weeklies go the way of Cuauhtémoc, cabrones.
