Ask a Stoner: How Do I Call Off Work on 4/20?

Dear Stoner: How do I ask for work off on 4/20 without outing myself as a stoner?
Cole

Dear Cole: Before all you weed-hating chumps get mad at Cole for skipping work to smoke cannabis, you’d better be prepared to do the same for anyone who takes a day off to get drunk at the Great American Beer Fest or at Coors Field on opening day. Lucky for the working stoner, April 20 falls on a Friday this year. That’s not as good as a Saturday, of course, but it’s better than a Sunday…if you’re able to get Friday off.

Asking for a Friday off so that you can have a long weekend is common, and your boss wouldn’t likely think much of if you asked months in advance – but that’s a ridiculous organizational expectation of anyone who wants to play hooky on 4/20, so here you are. You can still go the quick-weekend-trip route, but you might want to ask for Monday off, too, to avoid any curiosity from your boss. If that doesn’t work, use a solid excuse (sudden death in the family, child’s school trip, etc.) and be prepared to provide background evidence – like social-media posts – to back up your story.

Just don’t get outed by other social-media posts while you’re partying at Civic Center Park.

Send questions to marijuana@westword.com.