Today's nominee for best article ever goes to the Boulder Daily Camera piece about Carl Fuermann, a staffer in the CU registrar's office who thinks the gulf oil spill can be resolved if people all over the world meditate to make the rig's blowout preventer start working.
This premise is fleshed out with details designed to make an Onion wordsmith weep with jealousy. At one point, Fuermann defends the concept by claiming meditation magically repaired a friend's Flip video camera -- voila! And later, deep-water-mining expert Dwayne Bourgoyne, who's too nice to dismiss the concept as ludicrous, suggests that meditaters focus on "tiny cracks spreading in the rock."
Of course, cynics out there think the cracks are in Fuermann -- including the killjoys at IHateTheMedia.com.
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The conservative site dismisses poor Carl as a "Boulder hippie" and a "long-haired Colorado nutcase," adding, "Just a wild guess on our part, but we're pretty confident that a guy who works for the government and thinks he can fix mechanical problems via meditation is also a guy who voted for Obama."
But in the end, the Media Haters figure his theory is worth a try. The item concludes with the following:
Sounds crazy to us, but on the off chance that Fuermann's onto something here, let's all close our eyes and visualize November. Nancy Pelosi out. Ohmmm. Harry Reid out. Ohmmm. Barbara Boxer out. Ohmmm.
Join in. Ohmmm.
Could this year's election turn into a telepathy war? Picture it.