Schmuck of the Week

Clown robbers: Try disguising yourselves as Shmucks of the Week

Look, we know that real-life robbers are often lovers of the cinema. That's why they dress in fanciful and elaborate costumes, à la Point Break (ex-Presidents), The Town (gruesome nuns), 3000 Miles to Graceland (Elvises) and, most recently, 30 Minutes or Less (apes). But now it seems that no self-respecting (or self-loathing) armed robber -- whether he targets a bank, a convenience store, a gas station, or a shop -- can go without.

Just this week, there was a disastrous Gumby in San Diego, a Darth Vader in Scotland, and of course, Denver's own couple of clowns.

In late August, two people held up Sonny's, a jewelry store near Colorado Boulevard and East Florida Avenue. The robbers, who wore white face paint and black makeup on their lips, along with wigs and weird clown outfits.

A week later, police in Utah arrested Vincent Matthews, 21, and and Ronnette Hatch, 22, after stopping their speeding vehicle and discovering jewelry in the car that matched what had been stolen in Denver. They were sent back to Colorado on Thursday.

But judging from the outcome of this case, and that of the Gumby and the Darth Vader, these attention-hounds need to more more thought into plot development than wardrobe.

More from our Shmuck archive: "Imeme Nouis & Angela Martin: Leaving kids in hot cars or handcuffing them = Shmuck."

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Jonathan Shikes is a Denver native who writes about business and beer for Westword.
Contact: Jonathan Shikes