Earlier this week, the Denver Police Department released a list of safety tips for holiday shoppers. I gave it a shot, but no mockery I could muster topped the list itself. So here you go, Denver, the DPD's list of suggestions to make your holiday shopping a safe one. And remember: Always wear a fanny pack. And please add your suggestions for additions to the list in the comments section below, so we can all work to make the holidays a more frightening and paranoid time for all.
Dress Down: Dress casually and comfortably. Avoid wearing expensive jewelry.
Shop Together: Shop with friends and family. Try not to shop alone, especially at night.
Educate Your Kids: Teach kids what to do if you get separated. Tell them to find a store clerk or security person.
Communicate: Tell someone where you are going and how long you will be gone. Let them know if you change your schedule.
Park Smart: Park close to the store. Avoid dark and secluded areas. Lock the Car: Keep doors locked and windows closed. Remember your keys.
Stay Alert: Remember where you park your car. Be aware of suspicious cars and people. Watch Your Purse: Hold your purse close to your body or use a front pocket if carrying a wallet. Preferably wear a fanny pack.
Avoid Cash: Never flash large amounts of money. Try to use checks or credit cards instead of cash.
Use Credit Cards Safely: Beware of identity theft and keep receipts safe. Record credit card numbers at home and guard PIN numbers.
Shop in Small Doses: Make regular trips to the car. Avoid carrying too many packages that put you off balance and make you a target.
Returning to the Parking Lot: Have your car keys out when returning to your car. Check the back seat and under the car before getting in.
Hide Packages: Store packages in the trunk of the car. Put your packages in the trunk before you drive to your next location not when you arrive. Never leave them visible inside the car.
Act: Never go home if you think you are being followed or if you feel threatened. Go to a busy well-lit safe place.
Don't Play Hero: Comply with a thief's demands. Record an accurate description for law enforcement: height, weight, eye color, hair color, scars, tattoos, clothing, and license plate.