Election days usually take some patience.
Voters have to find their polling stations, ask the boss for an hour off, stand in line and argue with the elderly volunteers who can't find their name or address on the voting rolls. Bad weather makes things even more difficult, as does car trouble, health trouble and bad hair days.
So you can understand why some elections might get low voter turnout. But in an all-mail election -- like the one that concluded on Tuesday -- they mail the ballot right to your home!
No, it doesn't come with a couple of stamps (and 61 cents, really? The Denver Clerk and Recorder's Office couldn't find a way to make the ballot cost just one stamp?). But still, the only way the city could have made it any easier on voters is if they had actually come to your house, lifted your hand and helped you fill in the blanks.
Do you need someone to wipe your ass for you, too?
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Nevertheless, turnout in the election was 38 percent, meaning that only 112,914 voters cast their ballots. That's down 4 percentage points from the 2007 municipal election, where 42 percent of voters reportedly cast ballots.
Why? Boring candidates, maybe, or ennui. Laziness or no major issues?
It's hard to believe that only 38 percent of Denver voters care who their mayor and city council people are. Then again, if you're that much of a shmuck, maybe it's a good thing you didn't vote.
For more shmucks, visit our Shmuck of the Week archive.