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Derek Thor Apodaca's uncircumcised penis stars in Boulder Police report

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Boulder is Colorado's HQ for unusual crimes, be it the yoga instructor who ran a chihuahua outside her moving car or the recent CU grad shot after drunkenly entering the wrong house. But even so, there's something special about Derek Thor Apodaca, who's accused of dancing so enthusiastically that passersby got an unwanted look at his uncut schlong -- because it escaped from beneath his skirt.

The details come to us courtesy of a Boulder Police report on view below. Last Wednesday, according to the narrative, two BPD officers were in the area between a library branch and the city's municipal building, at 1777 Broadway, checking into reports about loud transients when they were alerted to an indecent exposure claim.

The cop who responded soon spotted a man wearing a teal blue skirt, black fishnet stockings and a black tank top -- Apodaca -- and asked if he was wearing anything beneath his skirt. No, Apodaca reportedly replied, but despite appearances, he insisted that he was being responsible about his hang-down. He'd noticed that the top of his public hair was showing when he was dancing sans a shirt, he told the officer, so he put one on. And he also pulled his skirt lower to make sure he wasn't unintentionally offering a view of his special place while shaking his groove thang, as it were.

Three individuals the officer interviewed shortly thereafter had a different description of what happened. They said that when Apodaca put on his stockings, he appeared to lift up his skirt to purposefully put his gentlemanly genitals on display. Their reactions were a mixture of shock, frustration and intimidation, they said.

At that point, the officers returned to Apodaca and asked if he had any other clothing on hand. After he mentioned a pair of shorts in his backpack, they advised him to slip into them -- but that didn't exactly solve the problem. Quoting the report: "When he put on his shorts over his tights, he showed his uncircumcised penis in my direction. I told him to be more discreet."

That message was also sent via not one, not two, but three indecent exposure charges. Nonetheless, Apodaca, who was said to have smelled of alcohol, posed for one of the peppiest mug shots in recent memory. Here it is, along with the aforementioned police report.

Derek Thor Apodaca Police Report

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