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Drunken Santa for hire: The gift that keeps on giving

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You've already read about the drunken Santas who took over downtown Denver during Santacon 08 this past weekend; now you can have a drunken Santa for your very own. DRUNKEN SANTAS FOR HIRE, a new operation advertising on Craigslist, is all about providing folks with the perfect shitcanned St. Nick.

Promising "a full staff of Drunken Santas at your beck and call," DRUNKEN SANTAS FOR HIRE is the perfect solution for that recession-tinged holiday office party, awkward family Christmas get-together, even that Hanukkah shindig that no one's all that excited to attend. Better yet, want to get back at your neighbors for not inviting you to their New Year's Eve ball? DRUNKEN SANTAS is ready to deliver an unexpected surprise to their festivities. Or a little nervous about breaking it to your fiancé that you've been banging your secretary and, well, there's a bun in the oven? Never fear: Drunken Santa, in a blubbery stupor, will do it for you.

For just a small, small fee of $250, you get a fully costumed (though slightly disheveled) Santa ready for three hours of entertainment. All you have to do is pour some booze into him and let the holiday fun begin. - Joel Warner

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


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