The politics of holiday celebrations are, in a word, weird. Who in the world decides that this day or that day is a holiday of some sort? Barring religious, traditional or lunar reasons for a holiday’s placement on the Western calendar, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for any of it. We touched on this earlier in the month, when our latest Tips for Transplants mentioned that June — not July, for some reason — is Fireworks Safety Month. But since then, it’s come to our attention that there are a lot of dubious holidays that dare us to recognize them.
Here are ten days on the holiday calendar that we invite all our readers to join us in ignoring completely.
1. Flip-Flop Day, June 16
The holiday that almost nobody celebrates on June 16 isn’t about political wishy-washiness or indecisiveness in general. Rather, it’s about the "shoe" that takes over every summer and shares your foot sweat with the rest of the world instead of encasing it safely inside a sock and shoe like society should demand. The last thing our casual-obsessed nation needs is a holiday that celebrates wearing the foot equivalent of thong underwear.
2. Sauntering Day, June 19
Invented in 1979 as a balk to a then-hot craze, jogging, Sauntering Day was an invitation — or maybe an excuse?— to take it easy. (Not that the 1970s needed any more reason to take it easy.) Sauntering Day invites us all to slow down — you know, like we can every day, if we choose to. And, honestly, if you’re one to saunter, you don’t need an excuse. Long live not jogging!
3. Let It Go Day, June 23
If you’re thinking to yourself, “Hey, summer doesn’t officially start until Tuesday, June 20, so technically, the first two entries on this list aren’t summer holidays at all,” then June 23 is the day for you. Just let it go. (And, no, this day has nothing to do with Disney, Frozen or whatever name John Travolta is currently using for Idina Menzel.)
4. Please Take My Children to Work Day, June 26
Also known as “Please Just Take My Children, Take Them Anywhere, Because I Think I’m Losing My Mind, and I Seriously Need a Day of Complete Quiet.” Let’s not pretend that the work is the important factor here. Take them to the mall, take them to Elitch’s, take them swimming — just take them. For the whole day. Or for the weekend, maybe? I can pack a bag.
5. Independence From Meat Day, July 4
The concurrence of this day with the number-one day for outdoor BBQing is no accident. A better name for this holiday would be “Fuck You, Hot Dogs” Day.
Keep reading for more ridiculous holidays.
6. Don’t Step on a Bee Day, July 10
Because the other 364 days of the year, we can apparently stomp on those little sting-happy assholes as much as we want.
7. Yellow Pig Day, July 17
Yellow Pig Day was invented by a couple of frustrated (and possibly quite mad) mathematicians in the 1960s, when it was apparently possible to fashion a holiday around yellow pigs and the number 17 — thus the date in July. Still celebrated today (though pretty much just in math departments nationwide), the holiday has some explaining to do — like what do yellow pigs have to do with the number 17? How do prime numbers work into this in any way? And what specific type of acid were these Princeton students dropping when this seemed like a good idea?
8. Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day, July 27
Not only does this holiday make no sense at all, but it also sounds like it would annoy the crap out of your houseplant.
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9. Duran Duran Appreciation Day, August 10
There’s some mystery surrounding the origins of this so-called holiday, for which no one has been clamoring since the heyday of the band, in the 1980s. Little is known about who came up with the idea, why it seemed important at the time, or what it’s supposed to signify. I’m guessing that it may have been my sister, who gave me a cassette tape of Seven and the Ragged Tiger for one of my birthdays — and promptly borrowed it permanently. Second guess as to who came up with Duran Duran Appreciation Day? Simon Le Bon.
10. Relaxation Day, August 15
Finally — here’s a day where we can all kick off our shoes, lay out in the hammock, enjoy a frosty drink and just doze away in the shade. Sadly, it falls on a Tuesday.