| Crime |

Gnome thieves described as "pretty low:" Hilarious!

Keep Westword Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Denver and help keep the future of Westword free.

Heads up, producers of The Daily Show. Last night, Channel 31 reported a story about the theft of 150 garden gnomes that's ready-made for your particular brand of satire.

Only flaw? The Fox 31 crew isn't as good at keeping a straight face as are Jon Stewart and company.

Even before anchor Ron Zappolo tossed to correspondent John Romero, live (!) outside the Arvada home of Mardean Gibson, he was smirking. As for Romero, he immediately affected the self-consciously plummy tone of Daily Show regulars like Jason Jones as he talked about how "low" thieves would have to be to swipe so many "itty-bitty gnomes" and recapped the carnage in mock-dramatic fashion: "150 little beards. 150 little pointy hats. Gone."

Thank goodness the hippie gnome and the Bronco gnome survived.

The wackiness went on for nearly three minutes, with Romero and Zappolo playing a bizarre rhyming game: "Pick up a phone -- save a gnome," "I did not know that gnomes roamed alone," and "If you see a pack of gnomes, get 'em home."

In the end, Zappolo brought this epic to a conclusion by saying, "I better stop this now, John, before we go down the primrose lane."

You should've kept going, Ron. Bet the gnomes were waiting for you there.

Check out the piece below:


Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.