Gnome thieves described as "pretty low:" Hilarious!

Heads up, producers of The Daily Show. Last night, Channel 31 reported a story about the theft of 150 garden gnomes that's ready-made for your particular brand of satire.

Only flaw? The Fox 31 crew isn't as good at keeping a straight face as are Jon Stewart and company.

Even before anchor Ron Zappolo tossed to correspondent John Romero, live (!) outside the Arvada home of Mardean Gibson, he was smirking. As for Romero, he immediately affected the self-consciously plummy tone of Daily Show regulars like Jason Jones as he talked about how "low" thieves would have to be to swipe so many "itty-bitty gnomes" and recapped the carnage in mock-dramatic fashion: "150 little beards. 150 little pointy hats. Gone."

Thank goodness the hippie gnome and the Bronco gnome survived.

The wackiness went on for nearly three minutes, with Romero and Zappolo playing a bizarre rhyming game: "Pick up a phone -- save a gnome," "I did not know that gnomes roamed alone," and "If you see a pack of gnomes, get 'em home."

In the end, Zappolo brought this epic to a conclusion by saying, "I better stop this now, John, before we go down the primrose lane."

You should've kept going, Ron. Bet the gnomes were waiting for you there.

Check out the piece below:


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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts