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Happiness is a Warm Gun When You're Running for City Council

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Gerald Styron, a write-in candidate for Denver City Council District 1, paid a visit to the Westword offices today. It seems the old guy – who seriously looks like Methuselah – was pissed that Kenny Be didn’t include him in this week’s Worst-Case Scenario cartoon.

Of course, he didn’t actually read the cartoon (natch!) so he missed the point that this election has been so boring that it might as well go straight to DVD. As such, a handful of the candidates from District 8 (the only really hotly contested district) also didn’t get any face time.

After being escorted out -- pissed off about freedom of the press and our decision to ignore the truth -- the bearded one returned from his scooter to quickly make the election much more interesting.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he told me, “but what do I have to do to get your attention? Bring a gun?”

Uh, no. Being bat-shit crazy was enough.

But for those of you who want to know more about Styron’s campaign platform (he's running against incumbent Rick Garcia), here’s a copy of the flier and the sound files from the campaign CD he left me.

Happy listening – and remember, happiness is a warm gun. – Amy Haimerl

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.